I May Be Mentally Disordered

Saturday, August 05, 2006

Pass around girls

Remember the pass-around-girls? You know the type...that pretty girl who dated that guy you knew and subsequently slept with most of his buddies, family members, acquaintances, classmates, etc. Maybe you dated her at some point. If you did, you and your buddies probably consider yourselves lucky to have escaped without contracting a parasitic life partner...or maybe your luck ran out. Regardless, I was chatting with the sladenator about it and figured what better way to inject a little less seriousness into what has been a string of somber posts than a trip down memory lane!

Ah, pass-around-girls. That girl everyone wanted to sleep with when they first entered high school and most will eventually sleep with by graduation. A few got knocked up before senior year, most made it to the diploma march with only a scare or two. All became the stuff of high school myth or legend. Imagining what some of these girls must have moved onto in college is the stuff great pornography is made of!

My buddies all have a pass-around-girl or two they can remember by name from high school. I was a little more anti-everything at that age, so the names escape me, but I do remember faces! And every once in a great while, I'll cross paths with one. When I do, it starts with the usual doubletake and a laugh, because inevitably she's pushing a stroller or walking hand-in-hand with some smiling goofball who is probably her husband, or soon will be.

And I can't help but think, "if you only knew what mommy/wifey/girlfriend was up to in high school!"

Seriously, some of those girls had histories that read like voter rolls! And now, considering my age, a majority of them are probably mothers. When that thought hits, the funny stops. Sure, some of them may have grown out of it, found God, found some self-respect or simply became too haggard to maintain their teenaged pace, but somewhere inside, underneath the expanding hips, growing jowls and sagging glutes is the pass-around-girl, complete with all those glorious memories. All the proud recollections of sleeping with Bobby, his friend Ricky, their friend Frank and so on and so forth, until they had run out of friends or birth control, whichever came first(pardon the sideways pun)!

But it's all good, clean, wholesome fun. In this regard, I am completely unenlightened. I had seen and even experienced some of the mechanics by 8 or 9. By the time it was time to talk birds and bees, I already knew the bascis of ass sex, tag teaming and more than a few other things that are unmentionable in polite company on a purely academic level.

So watching the pass-around-girls get passed around was more amusing than disheartening to me then. Besides all that, there is no arguing that I am most definitely unenlightened when it comes to society's attitude toward sex and thus find myself always on the outside looking in, usually being judgmental and completely devoid of understanding. It all comes down to perspective, I suppose. The pass-around-girl probably sees herself as sexually enlightened or even empowered. Where I see weakness, she sees strength. Where I imagine baggage, she imagines wings. Such is the beauty of life! Viva la promiscuous revolucion! :)

Understand that I'm not saying this makes anyone "bad" people. Bad people hurt or exploit others. These girls are more of the self-destruct variety, which is sad in a way, but then I always struggle to feel sorry for those who implode or suffer willfully. Our only hope is that they really do turn it around, but then I'm sure there are a large number of I-got-next guys that would be bitterly disappointed if their female coconspirators in the enlightened, sexual revolution disappeared. But that's a rant for another day.