Thursday, August 10, 2006
That gorilla goodness
Why can't people be inherently good? I mean, how much better would things be if our species were intrinsically, instinctually linked to being good to ourselves and each other? Some might say it would be boring or monotonous, but I say not so. We would still have all the good the world has to offer, including good times, but the bad, the unpleasant and the undesirable would be reduced or eliminatd altogether in our interactions.
Think about it. People could trust, could go on faith and make real progress together. Isn't that what we all want, deep in the pit of our subconscious gut?
There would be tragedies and horrors, so the news would still have something to sell advertising with and there would be no shortage of suffering, as not everything ill in the world is the result of Man's interference. Being good to one another wouldn't eliminate hardship, but it would make hardship increasingly more manageable. Society would simply coalesce and flow together.
Why can't we have that? Why are we denied such an experience? What lesson are we supposed to be learning? The mystics would say that there is no light without dark, no joy without sadness, no smile without a frown, but the mystics have always sought to detach themselves from all such things in search of a higher understanding, which is to say that the only things that they deem necessary are numbness and disassociation.
I have no interest in being numb. I want to live and learn and know what it means to truly be alive. You can't know a thing if you are numb and indifferent to it. This is why I struggle and fret over the things most people have little interest in. When I say that I am better off alone, it is because the real togetherness I seek, that I think we all seek, is almost impossible to find in a world where people are not inherently good. In reality, I believe it has always been something precious and rare, because I believe there has not ever been a time where a majority of people were focused on being good to one another. Pursuing that bond under these circumstances is more a journey uphill over jagged stones covered in slippery algae than it is an ascension of a staircase leading to a new understanding.
Having one's guard up is a natural reaction in the world in which we live. Look at what people do to themselves and one another. How could it be any different? What choice do we have? Is it any real surprise that human relationships have become what they are? For that matter, is what they have become anything new?
In my mind, they're a circuitous exploration of the same old, tired behaviors. Flirtation, infatuation, lusting, fucking, fighting, forgiving, fucking some more, fighting some more and on and on. So few alternative examples come to mind that I am led to believing this is the norm. Games, manipulations and the like are cliches for a reason!
But we press on, at least most of us do. We find a way. Our emotional sacrifices are made on the altar of Hope and our days pass through the space-time continuum infinitum. A scant few of us find that elusive diamond in a stack of kubic zirconias. Even the most independent and strong-willed amongst us can hear the whisperings of longing from time to time and it frustrates, inspires and angers all at once, because on some level many of us no longer truly believe that thing we long for is real. It has become a myth...a legend we're told to fill our heads up with hopes and aspirations...and maybe to plant the seeds of possibility.
So why can't we simplify the whole process? Why can't we be inherently good, or at least intentionally good, to one another? At least then we could have trust and faith in something beyond ourselves and those closest to us(for those of us with the luxury of trust at all). What the hell will it take for people to realize just how stuffed up with bullshit most of our heads are? From the value of money and power to the meaning of love, we have been and continue to be at sea. Am I the only one disgusted with and tired of it? Am I really the only one who is pissed off by the same old song being retold in pretty, new and more technologically advanced packaging?
Of course not, everyone is tired of it. Everyone has had enough, or claims to be having enough, but we're not doing anything about it, so it's all so much pissing in the wind. In my own defense, I have tried very hard to be that change I want to see, but even I falter. There have been times that I questioned my own goodness and I came to realize that none of us are inherently good. We are instinctually and logically selfish, but good has to be learned and refreshed. It starts in infancy and carries with us all to some degree right up until our final exhale.
Much of this is stemming from me currently paying the price for losing my own control, but I feel as if I am paying fair penance and then some. I didn't run from this thing, didn't deny my responsibility and haven't tried to remove myself from guilt, but it is still here lingering...the 600lb gorilla in the room. My attempts to corner the bastard and wrestle him to the ground have so far failed, but like the cynically hopeless idealist that I am, I keep locking into the clench and trying again on faith that eventually this particular gorilla will get tired and get knocked the fuck out. So far, he's winning and hitting below the belt for good measure. Maybe it's time for me to crash and try again tomorrow...
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have you read any of my old blog entries? i only ask because, talk about high up on the weirdness scale, i've written some very, very similar things. you really couldn't have done a better job of describing the gorilla-in-the-room situation. every once in a while, when i think my own gorilla is out for good, he'll wake up just to smack me around, seemingly for fun.
now, i don't necesarily grant that humans are inherently bad-natured, which seems to be what you're positing here. for instance, i would have to say that my bad relationship experience was a product of well-intentioned weakness and naivity rather than selfishness or malice. the big problem as i see it - and this is something i've written about in some detail - is the cynicism we develop to avoid being vulnerable, which, in the end, causes more pain and problems and perpetuates the cycle of "trustlessness."
anyway. i thought i might see you at steph & aharon's tonight but was informed that you've been having car troubles. i hope scooby is doing alright!
Scooby is close to alright, but she's not quite there yet. A little more of this, a slight touch of that, and she'll be back on the road, good as new. :)
I hadn't read any of your archived/older posts, but I think we all have our undesirable primates to deal with. Mine is primarily centered around my car, but I'm dealing. The rest of it is not as pressing a stressor. The cynicism I carry is justified, for various reasons, in my opinion. At 29, I have some time and experience to draw upon. Ultimately, I think people are right to be cynical, the behavior of those around us justifies such an attitude.
Being vulnerable with someone I care about is something I would welcome, believe me! In this day and age, I'm just not sure it is something wise or intelligent to do. Apparently it is a vicious circle. :)
i don't doubt at all that most people have their beasts to deal with. the part of your entry i found most dejavu-inspiring was the "why can't we be good to one another?" side. i feel like a lot of our problems come not fundamentally from being "bad" people, but from a lack of trust. most people have gotten burned, and feel the need to be on their guard at all times, which makes them seem aloof or even deceitful, which causes everyon else to feel the need to be on their guard as well. i don't think we're inherently had - i think we're inherently scared. we have the ability to be far more honest than we are, and i think the world would be a happier place if we weren't so terrified of getting hurt when we opened up to people. just a thought though.
I think we are inherently selfish and it is the control or lack thereof that separates the good from the bad in this life.
My personal experience is that I am not afraid at all of opening up. I actually WANT people to know what I'm thinking. My fears are centered around trusting someone with a piece of my emotional well being, because life has taught me repeatedly that people are unpredictable and making an emotional investment in them is a high risk proposition.
People can know what I'm thinking and feeling all day. Honestly, I would prefer it that way! It's what they do with that knowledge that leaves me defensive and wanting to detach.