Wednesday, September 20, 2006
The numbers game
97X's morning crew was having a discussion about numbers and their significance this morning. According to a completely unscientific, credibility-impaired poll on Match.com, the average woman has made out with at least 29 guys before marriage. At a kill rate of 25%, which is pretty reasonable IMO, is it safe to assume the average woman has slept with 8-10 guys by the time she "settles down" with someone? Some people would probably applaud those numbers, but I have a feeling most would claim to dismiss them outright as insignificant.
Here's the thing, when you have purposely kept your own numbers fairly low in the foolish hope that others might as well, hearing that sort of thing makes you wince. The realization has set in that the best I can hope for as I get older is someone with only slightly higher numbers than mine. If I'm lucky, she will see sex as something more than a recreational sport. Then my thoughts drift to marriage. In a world where sex is so cheap and meaningless for so many people, what's the point of getting married at all? And why do so many people claim to be chasing love, when in reality they are too busy chasing ass to ever have a genuine chance of finding love to begin with? Personally, I'm over it. Everyone is sitting around crying about the disappearance of morality in this country, when in reality 90% of those complaining are doing their best to contribute to the degeneration.
I used to wish I could see things the same way most people claim to. After all, it's just sport fucking, what's the big deal? But I won't ever be one of those people and as I have grown older, I've come to want anything but that attitude. Chances are good that I won't make out with 29 girls in my lifetime and I can't imagine a scenario, outside of long-term, permanent bachelorhood (which is looking more and more like an option) that will see me sleeping with 8-10 people in my time on this Earth. Sex isn't cheap, it shouldn't be a throwaway act, and I refuse to buy into the constant, soulless, bullshit shell game society continually plays to justify its collective lack of self-discipline.
Hearing those two idiots on the radio this morning, more or less deniying the significance of numbers, irritates the hell out of me. Hearing that and seeing the repurcussions of such attitudes in real life convinces me more than ever that 95% of the people you meet are full of shit when it comes to sex. The enlightened masses have it all figured out, have all the answers, yet more and more people seem to be unhappy. Is it really any great surprise that so many Americans end up in therapy, numbed by Prozac or Paxil? It's no surprise at all to me.
And this is why I want my island, my private preserve on which to build my proverbial pyramid. At nearly 30 years of age, I find myself tired of the illusory truths that infect the common mind. I want to live in a place where love and sex and intimacy are precious, protected, and powerful things. I want to live in a place where people really do want to know what it's like to be loved, and be surrounded by people who are capable of loving. That might sound hokey or even (gasp)emo, but the truth is it takes more courage to care and to trust than it does to suppress one's emotions while making out with others indiscriminantly or treating sex like a passtime. But then I am not a "real man" by modern standards, so what do I know?
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I was just watching a Naked Science episode entitled "What's Sexy" where they examined lust, love, and attachment from a science perspective. It's amazing how our bodies were designed to find suitable mates for the goal of continuing the species.
It explained that during sex, our bodies naturally let off oxytocin (the cuddling hormone that is found in breastmilk) that actually attach us to the person to potentially conceive and raise a child. Every step from attraction/lust, romantic love, and later to comfort/attachment all have their purpose in helping us choose someone suitable to settle down with.
Personally I would never feel comfortable having sex with someone I was not in love with, and perhaps that's why. I mean, why would you want your body to release these special hormones to some random, drunk, slimeball you met at a bar a couple hours prior? Just my thoughts. I have nothing against those who engage in casual sex, it's just not something I would feel comfortable with.
Ok, I really do look like your blog stalker at this point. I need to stop replying so much.
lol No worries, I doubt there are enough people reading to make worrying about their judgment worth your time. That said, I've never understood the view that sex is a throwaway, feel good act either. Biologically, emotionally, and psychologically, that is not how we work. The repeated denial of of those three factors has to take a toll. I think about the friends I have had that were the most prolific manwhores and not a one of them was truly happy.
Even after giving up the lifestyle and settling down, many of them regret having done what they did. Wilt Chamberlain was probably the most prolific manwhore of all time, at least in his own mind, and he never seemed to be walking on air. If there is no love there, it's just screwing and in my mind, that's the furthest thing from the ideal.
I have a problem with the very idea of casual sex, because I believe you have to be in a certain state of denial to truly be casual about it. And why would anyone want something that feels to good and powerful to be casual? The whole idea is one I haven't ever gotten.