Sunday, November 26, 2006
Finding a way to put the bottle down
A few months ago, it seems like an eternity now, I managed to get drunk out of my mind on an empty stomach filled with copious amounts of Crown Royal. In the process, I crossed paths with the ex...and the rest should be self-explanatory. It was one of the more singularly telling events in my adult life, primarily because it was completely out of character (the encounter, not the drinking). Cue the running theme music for this year. While I wish that things had gone much differently that night, for a multitude of reasons, some good did rise from the ashes of my self-conception.
After 8 years of drinking socially, sometimes heavily, but always socially, I had gone from a 21-year old kid who had never been drunk in his life, to a 29-year old man who had been known to put away an half bottle of various liquors as a means of pacing myself. Somehow, for 99% of those 8 years, I had managed to remain true to myself, despite traveling through many a drunken weekend. That all came crumbling apart this year, and in many ways my eyes were forcibly opened wide as a result.
I haven't been drunk since that night and haven't had the urge to be. In fact, you could count the number of beers I have had since August on your fingers and toes. That's an impressive statement for someone with the consumption record I have had. Liquor has only passed my lips once, and it was a single Jack and coke on the rocks. That is an all-time record low for me, in my drinking career.
I'm not looking for a pat on the back, just musing on how much I actually used to put away and starting to realize that I am getting older. In the process, I've come to realize just how much time, money, and energy I wasted these past 8 years. Sure, there were good times with good people, some I would not want to be without, but much of it was nothing more than pointless bar tabs, needless all-nighters, and senseless liver abuse. Looking back, I would have much rather been studying, traveling, or training during all that time, particularly that night in August.
Live and learn, I suppose...sometimes that hard way.
Speaking of travel...some interesting news is on the way, but that's a topic for another day.
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I on the other hand have the bottle of red wine waiting for me as soon as I am no longer prego!!! I can't wait :)
I know what you mean though, getting drunk doesn't have the same appeal it did when we were younger, now it's more of a one or two drink night that has a nice taste and is relaxing at the same time.
So true about the bar tabs, what a waste of money!!! It's outrageous what the bars get away with charging for a drink...when we all know how much an entire bottle cost. I haven't actually done the math, but it would be interesting to find out exactly what their profit is.
interesting to finally hear you talk about that night. after she had whisked you away, my friend nick (the frat boy you spent much of the evening picking on) was left visibly confounded by how uncomfortable billy, aharon, j.r. and i were about what had just happened.
but ya know, no one makes it through this life without wishing they had done a few things differently. to expect anything else is to show an absence of humility - none of us is perfect.
the only thing we can do is face our mistakes. regrets are a bad thing; regret is not. regret is proof you have a conscience. i would prefer see you accept rather than rationalize what happened, because i think you're better than the type of person who explains away his faults instead of dealing with them.
not that it's easy. i'm still struggling with mine and it's been a lot longer than a couple of months since i fell from grace myself...
L - lol You can toast the babies in the delivery room!
I've been there done that with the booze...it's just gotten old and honestly, I think I was bored with it a long time ago. At some point, it just became a part of going out on weekends. I'm a one or two drink a night guy, these days. :)
S - That night definitely had a significant impact. In the end, I have no one to blame but myself. I did what I did...it was a bad situation for the ex and I. I'm defintely not built for rationalizing this sort of thing. I regret it for both of us, as things did not turn out the way either of us had hoped they would. How everything went down was such a mess, it's just a shame for everyone involved. In our different ways, we've both moved on, but I would be lying if I said that it wasn't still bothering me on some level.
I hate to scare you, but you are turning into me. I fully expect your next blog post to be about how you really want a cat or the fantastic episode of the Golden Girls you just watched.
Seriously though, I'm sorry that your decision to stop drinking had to be the result of a personal crisis, but I still believe (most of the time anyway), that everything happens for a reason. Granted the reasons aren't always clear, but eventually everything will make sense. That's great that you aren't drinking as much anymore, I'm sure your body will be thankful. :)
I'm not sure I would call this a crisis, but it was definitely an eye opening moment for me. The funny part is, this would not be a big deal for most people, but then living like most people is most definitely not what I'm about.
So you drank too much. At least you did'nt get in your car and kill someone or yourself. You did'nt beat someone up. You just got with an old flame for some lovin...and you are not commited so that's ok. Dont be so hard on yourself, it happens.