Thursday, December 14, 2006
2006 - A year in the tumbler
There's a band I really enjoy called My Morning Jacket. They're a melodic, pseudo-country band...their sound is hard to describe, but it's great stuff if you're in an introspective or contemplative mood. Anyway, here are the lyrics to one of their songs that is very high on my list of current favorites:
I Will Be There When You Die
Joe was born in New York City, son of Paul and Catherine
Always down and always out,
but his 'morrows always seemed just fine.
There will be bigotry and there will be open minds,
there will be days of peace; you'll never have the time.
As long as you keep a straight face,
I will be there when you die.
I was born in east Kentucky, home of where the grass is dyed.
Always down and always out,
but my 'morrows always seemed just fine.
There will be bigotry and there will be open minds,
there will be days of peace you'll never have the time.
As long as you keep a straight face,
I will be there when you die.
I will be there when you die.
This has been a year of change and chaos like none I have ever experienced before in my life. I've discussed the how, what and why behind that at one point or another here, so I'll save the rehash, but the repetitious nature of my musings on the subject do not make the matter any less powerful for me. I have not ever experienced a year like this one before, and while it is a bit early to properly reflect on it, I find myself trying anyway.
I have been wanting the pace of change to ease up a little, but things seem to be in a perpetual state of flux. From my love life to my personal life to my work life, nothing has settled down for long since this all began back in January, and we just found out that one of our guys at the office, someone I have known since high school, is leaving to make more money in another group. We just replaced the last guy who left...for more money...2 weeks ago. The end of the year is hectic enough without all of this additional transition going on. Luckily, there are only 17 days left in this torturous calendar year.
I find myself laying awake at night, hoping (praying?) for transcendence, taking a chance that something in the vast cosmos beyond the confines of my skull is listening. The way I see it, you pump enough will into the world around you, combine it with a disciplined and decent life, and you should be able to make good things happen regardless of your religious persuasion. If the only thing hearing my voice are the neurons firing in my head, it is enough.
And things are getting clearer. I've come to realize that much of the mess that has been this year has led me directly to the good that I have experienced. Without one, I would almost certainly not have the other. For example, school. I first started considering a return to school after helping The Ex write a paper for one of her classes senior level classes. The fact that I could write on a reasonably intelligent level became evident, and I began to believe that I was capable of channeling that into a return to academia. Eventually, a plan started formulating in my gray matter, and the good that came of it is now undeniable.
Then there is the car...if she hadn't been wounded over the Summer, I wouldn't have started down a path that has me back on an upgrade arc. This time, the car is set on a path toward 500bhp or so, with a 6-speed conversion as a part of master plan. So far, so good on that front, but the motor build up will take a lot longer than the tranny acquisition and install. After a spark plug change this past weekend, the car is back to life...and I'm smiling when I drive her again. :)
The good from the bad, the silver lining, the light at the end of the tunnel; all of the eternal cliches apply. It's all part of the balance, the constant push and pull. It is funny to find myself typing that. Regardless, it is true, because in giving one thing I can't replace away, I was inspired to begin a journey toward acquiring something that no one can ever take away. Balance...it's something that is an undeniably positive thing to believe in. Philosophers, theologians, good mothers, fathers, teachers, etc have all been extolling its virtues for eons.
Count me amongst the concept's most faithful.
Labels: faith, life, philosophy
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this is good, and good to hear. i've found the same thing this year... had "this cloud's got a silver lining" revelations, even written a blog entry under that title. gleaning really good repurcussions from the regrettable events of your past is just indescribably refreshing.
It's all we can do, ya know? We get our asses kicked, we get up, heal up, and come back for more. So long as we're learning lessons and not hurting anyone along the way, it's not a total waste.
all you can do is the best you can do.
:)
The suck happens when you're best isn't good enough. I came up short a couple of times this year, but I guess we can't get it right all the time. Bummer. :)