Tuesday, July 10, 2007
Getting out of my way
Making art, or undertaking any sort of creative endeavour, is a sometimes frustrating form of alchemy that seems to defy any logical interface. When taking on the task of creating, we are actually risking total failure in the name of intangible satisfaction. The drawing may be a complete disappointment, it may end up as trash, but we can't know until we have already begun the process. Every drawing I have ever done has been a failure, because the vision in my mind is always superior to what I have rendered with my hands. I think everyone with a passion for life can relate to this frustration. Even when we get so close as to have faithfully recreated the formless beauty in our mind's eye to the best of our ability, there will be flaws and failings. Flaws are as inherent in the creative process as the spirit that fuels it. At times, the work is so flawed, and the process so futile, that the product really is trash and can be freely discarded.
So I'm working a drawing on Sunday and things aren't going well. It is actually a pastel drawing of a collage based on another drawing I originally did in charcoal. I was happy with the original drawing, not too thrilled with the collage, and disgusted by the pastel. It's funny, because I recognize the fact that I have some skill for creation. Where I would rate is irrelevant, it is enough to say that I have some ability. So I believe in my ability to create, but sometimes my execution is so poor that I can't stand the results. Such was the case on Sunday. Nothing seemed to be working. I literally could not get the pastels to do what I wanted them to, and the more I pushed, the more pushback came from the materials in my hands. It was essential that I step away and do something else, otherwise it may have all ended up in the trash.
I went for a ride to the beach, a slow stroll back and forth on the Dunedin Causeway, then a lazy roll down to Clearwater, and home again to clear the mind. With a more relaxed disposition, I put pastel to paper with the idea of proving to myself that I could use these relatively unfamiliar tools as a means to create something. I started with a simple apple and focused on layering colors. Instead of working to control what was happening on the page, I let the colors interact more freely, and tried to take my desire for control out of the equation. In other words, I let go and just went from the gut. Low and behold, the drawing was fairly successful. Not perfect, of course, but certainly my best effort with pastels to date. I ended up adding in a pair of angel figures borrowed from mom's collection, and a simple background that ran from blue to what was supposed to be a glowing gold. I resisted the urge for halos or auras…barely.
The first drawing remains unfinished and will probably stay that way. I have no desire to revisit it and the prof was happy with my efforts on the other piece. Perhaps I am finally starting to learn the "remove head, make art" lesson. Getting our mind and ourselves out of the way is difficult, but it is the only way to allow ourselves the breathing room needed for honest, creative pursuits. If we can’t get out of our own way, we cannot go anywhere.
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my reactions to this post as i was reading it were so hilarious!
at first i was thinking i couldn't relate to you at all. i rarely think of my artwork as failed. in fact, a few of my finished products might be what i am most proud of having done in my life, at least through high school.
then i read the paragraph on your disappointing attempt in pastel and let me tell you, i can't describe the ways i was identifying with that. my problem media are paints though. somehow i never learned to use them well. all i can do is draw, and that, obviously, limits my repertoire basically to what a middle schooler could accomplish with a box of crayolas, lol.
then in your last paragraph i started to disagree (my head is never not in my artwork) before realizing that my art teacher in high school spent a lot of my later career trying to get me to do exactly what you're describing... loosen up... create from the heart... be imaginative. that might've been my biggest artistic failing. i'll have to work on that, if i ever get back into drawing.
artists!
I've done some drawings that I was very satisfied with, but I haven't ever gotten it absolutely right. Half the fun is in the creating, not in the finished product, so it's not a big deal for me. :)
Pastels are interesting for me. On the one hand, I enjoy how loose you can be and how they interact on the page. On the other, it drives me nuts that detail has be approached from a different direction than it would with graphite or ink. I'm with you on paint, but I haven't had the chance to do much painting.
You're probably better than you think and you'll probably come back to drawing/creating at some point. If it's in you, it is hard not to.
i was sitting at work yesterday and started sketching the telephone with a ballpoint pen. i got such an urge to make it a project. i'm thinking about snapping a photo to work from and giving it a shot. i haven't done much drawing since i graduated from high school though, so we'll see...
anyway, i hope you'll consider sharing some more of your artwork. i'm always interested.
Do it! Creating is the spice of life! :)
Here's my latest work for class. I was experimenting with using a grid to enlarge an original image. Used Photoshop's grid function on the original jpeg and a ruler on my image. The original image was probably a little less than 8x10 on my 21" monitor, the output paper is 18x24.
Keep in mind that this is my first ever attempt at using a grid to enlarge an image.
Charcoal drawing on charcoal paper
Original image
your link isn't working for me.
:(
grid-enlargements are my bread and butter really, my favorite way to draw...
this was done using a grid. it's 15x21" and came from a 4x6" photo.
Hmmm...lemme try this again:
Drawing
Original
Really like your drawing! I think something is up with the right forearm, but the rest is nicely rendered for sure. The jeans in particular are nicely textured. Good times!
lol, i can see it now, nice choice of a model! you did a great job with it, congrats.
Thanks! I messed up with the facial features, but feel like the rest of it is more or less spot on. Was an interesting exercise, but the prof totally hated it. lol I had been doing more expressive/emotional stuff prior to this, but went standard, technical this time. He also objects to the objectification of the model. It was all good-natured ribbing, and I'm fairly certain I got my retorts in without offending anyone, but you never know. ;)
outside of having a problem with the subject matter, i'm surprised your prof didn't appreciate it. technical proficiency, in my mind, has to come first in the creative process... but then again, it probably wouldn't be unfair to say i tend to get hung up on the technical the expense of the meaningful, so everything i say comes with a grain of salt.
Not sure I agree. Technical proficiency is nothing if you're not putting your soul into the world. It's all in how you look at it, I guess. :)