Sunday, July 29, 2007
The thing I miss
The thing I miss most about being in a relationship isn't sex, it is the reassurance and calm generated by physical contact with someone I care about. I seem to remember writing about this previously, but can't say for sure, and don't feel like taking the time to look through the list of posts, so here we go again...for the first time...maybe.
It seems a little pathetic to admit it, but sometimes it is a massive relief simply to be embraced and held by someone you care for. In my life, I have rarely had the opportunity to experience this simple, yet infinitely powerful interaction, and I am not ashamed to admit that I wish this was not the case. The comfort that comes from a sincere embrace delivered by someone close to us is something not to be dismissed. In a simple gesture, we are being welcomed into their private environment, their personal space, for lack of a better term. We are literally pulled in to partake in their warmth and solidity. On some level, when two people embrace in this context, they are sharing a piece of the essence that is existence. Their senses are stimulated, their souls are put at ease, and their minds are free to offload whatever burdens may be troubling them in that moment.
The nose is free to revel in their scent, the eyes are free to soak up their physical presence, or to close and remove one degree of separation, that being the visual awareness that the embraced is separate and distinct in space from the embracer. If things escalate, a kiss might be shared, and taste will be transmitted across the lips. Of course, should things continue on, we engage in progressively more intimate interaction until things reach their pinnacle. Given the weight and power of sex, and I speak only from my personal understanding, it can be less a comfort, and more of a burden, depending on circumstances.
Now that I think about it, a genuine, caring embrace is harder to cheapen or stain than sex and in some ways, more fulfilling. A heartfelt hug can last longer, provide greater comfort, and be more honest than sex. To hold someone is a simple, potent act. To hold someone without ulterior motives or sexual aims declares a level of innocence and sincerity that is often lost in sex. Too many times, sex is just fucking, but it seems to me that an insincere embrace is a much rarer thing. Sex carries such a compelling, hormonal aspect, and it is so cheapened in this physical world, that it is easy to "get lost in the moment". In some ways, sex may be easier to throwaway, so to speak, than a long embrace. Taking someone into our arms is more restrained and less chemically charged. This makes it more difficult to be dishonest, not impossible, certainly, but with less visceral pay off to be had, more difficult.
An embrace takes time, and delivers a very different satisfaction. One has to be sincerely invested in order to spend that time without want of taking things to another level. By submitting to an innocent embrace, we are free to enjoy the moments, minutes, or even hours without the complications of sleeping together. Sometimes, we really do just want to be held. I can't believe I actually typed that, but I would be lying were I to deny its truth. Sadly, sincerity is rare and incredibly hard to find in our physical existences. Always has been, always will be. I think this lack of sincerity is one of life's true tragedies, and we are all worse for it, but that is why seeking it and living it in our lives is paramount. There is no good reason not to, and the rewards can make life that much more magical.
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i agree.