Friday, October 12, 2007
One more class in the ledger
Still plenty to go, but for the night, I'm breathing a sigh of relief at having put one more class behind me. I'm betting that this will be another A for the transcript, which makes me smile inside and out. :) I'm really starting to understand just how much I missed by not going directly to college with the proper mindset. If youth is wasted on the young, wisdom is wasted on the old. We live and learn, at least one would hope that we learn, but it's a damn shame that it takes some of us so long to get our ships sailing with the wind.
I had a conversation last week with a husband of a fellow art student. We were attending my drawing prof's opening night reception, talking art, artists, and eventually philosophy. I'm assuming that anyone bothering to read this knows me, so you know how susceptible I am to philosophical conversation. Somehow the conversation rolled around to sailing, and we started talking about the personality types that spend their lives sailing against the wind, but in this context we were talking about people who waste massive amounts of effort to achieve minimal gains. Afterward, my sleep-deprived mind started working on itself and I came to realize that I have been one of those people most of my life.
My entire 20s were spent going upwind and getting virtually nowhere. Were they wasted? I guess that depends on who you ask. I have gone on about the could have and maybe should have beens before, I would be dishonest if I were to say that such thoughts aren't still lingering in my mind. Make no mistake, I am not bemoaning my fate(so to speak), or beginning to regret the larger part of my personal history, that's not what I'm on about at all. What I am talking about are the years spent ignoring life's beauty so that I might stare intently into its ugliness. All that time surrendered to the world's soiled inhabitants, working a thread of my own making into a blindfold covering all of my eyes. It's nothing but a shame.
We do such things to ourselves in the name of whatever emotional movement happens to be harnessing our youthful energy at the time, not ever giving due time to seeking our own true nature. So blind, ignorant, and enthusiastic, we stumble headlong into traffic. Is it any wonder so many of us are hit, ending up husks on the side of the road?
But tonight, at this ever advancing age, I'm 18 again, but this time, my eyes are open and I'm headed up the sidewalk for some pizza. If I were to return to the sailing metaphor, I would say that I am coming about, and that is only a matter of time before I put the wind at my back. Over 12 years on, and I am effectively hoisting the mainsail so that I can start sailing from the point at which I should have started. I suppose it's better than being miles off course, but it's certainly not as gratifying as being a thousand miles closer to paradise. Three more class to wrap up this term (Expressionistic Drawing, Painting Workshop I, and Visual Problem Solving), then we begin the final year of undergrad work. Hopefully it will be a beautiful journey. If nothing else, I'm old enough to enjoy the scenery.
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Now playing: Mad Season - Wake Up
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