Tuesday, October 16, 2007
Question marks
I am so completely tired of question marks. In a life full of uncertainty, why take on more question marks? Shit, there's another one. That's it, for the rest of this post I will refuse to ask a single question and will not use another question mark. We have so few assurances we can take solace in, so few certainties to comfort us, we should not have to suffer additional questions from the people in our lives. With so little time, there is none to waste on unnecessary question marks.
Question mark people assault your sense of stability and wholeness. They undermine your strength and solidity, to the point that you begin questioning the core principles which make you who you are. They do this because their core is fragile or damaged, so they naturally seek strength while subconsciously working to turn that strength into a shared weakness. That is why, if we desire to be strong, we cannot be pliable or flexible in what we hold close to our hearts. I say what rather than who because it is better to hold ideals and values close to our center than it is people or things. People and things will disappoint us almost without exception, whereas beliefs and ideals always hold the power to inspire and empower us. The question marks erode your spirit in time, but hopes and dreams can only enrich us.
Sadly, I'm finding that my life is full of question marks and I am feeling like a beach of sand being slowly gnawed away by the water carrying tiny grains out to sea with every receding wave. If things continue, the only thing left will be a barren storm wall, the rest of me having been spread to currents invisible and cold. I won't have that.
Question mark people aren't entirely evil. I think they do much of what they do because of how they have programmed themselves, rather than some willfully evil intent. That said, once you have identified and categorized a question mark, you can easily coexist. The evil you know is better than the evil you don't know, since you know not to trust a question mark. They are there not to provide companionship and aid on your journey, but to be given aid and support on their own. Their purpose is not to uplift, but to drain and encumber. I am so incredibly tired of question marks!
But as there is in all negatives, there may be a positive to come from all of this. I have fewer reasons to stay here, which will make moving to Savannah and starting from scratch that much easier. Of course, I will meet a whole new set of question mark people there, but they will be new question marks and I will come to know them as a wiser, stronger man, so their impact will be diminished. I suppose in some ways I am finally finishing the growing up process. I am finally learning definitively that believing in people is a mistake and it is one I no longer intend to make.
Addendum: I can't wait to get the fuck out of here.
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this doesn't sound like a happy post. i'm having a hard time processing it, though. what do you mean by "questions marks" and "question mark people" (other than the character i'm about to type)?
Definitely not a happy post. Question mark people are people that leaving you questioning or wondering, people that you are not sure you can trust, or count on. Sometimes they are just people that you're not sure about, but want to be. Basically, anyone who is not a "sure thing" in your mind.
somebody hard-core screwed you over, huh?
Let's just say that someone I have known for a long time has recently been doing things I would not have ever expected.