Friday, December 21, 2007
Just in time for Christmas...
Trust is such a dangerous thing. When you trust someone, you put a certain amount of your well being in their hands. Of course, how much of that well being you willfully entrust to another depends on circumstance. You will trust an acquaintance less than a friend, a friend less than a lover, a lover less than family, and family less than one's self, but there is always an element of risk in trusting someone other than ourselves. When someone violates that trust, it can be devastating.
One of my oldest friends recently learned how painful it can be to trust your heart to another. A girl he had thought himself to be on the path to marriage with was caught stoking the fires of another burgeoning relationship. He is now putting several years of time and energy away as a lesson learned, but he sounds prepared to make the rest of his life his own. For the first time in a long time, I think he may be focused on what matters, namely his own dreams and aspirations. If he can stay away from her for while, I think he will be OK, but she can be very manipulative and I expect she will do everything she can to regain the comfort of his loyalties. The next few months will be rocky and I intend to do what I can to back him up during what will surely be tumultuous times.
I am sincerely thankful that I haven't ever been in that position. Most of the time, not having a lot of relationship history is an asset, if not always pleasant. In this case, I would go so far as to call it a blessing. The one serious, physical relationship I've had was essentially over before it began, and in hindsight I think things worked out for the best for both of us. These long-term, rollercoaster "relationships" are something I have no firsthand experience with, but I have seen enough of my friends suffer through them to know that little good ever comes of such interactions. The people involved typically suffer the ups and downs of their ride with grim acceptance that hard times are part of the relationship experience. They have blowouts, even breakups, get back together, and do it all over again. Why anyone would do that to themselves, or each other, is beyond me.
They cheat, they lie, they hurt one another, and they call it love. That characterization of love is offensive and discouraging. Offensive, because it takes the highest state of human emotional interaction and defines it as a sickness. Discouraging because this diseased idea of love seems to be becoming how an alarming number of people live the word love. As someone who thinks very highly of love and what it means to be in it, it is almost sickening to see what humans have done to the word. My friend was sincerely in love with his vision of this girl, but she was not who he thought she was. Her concept of love is a crippled, decrepit thing, huddling in darkness and fed by deceit. We should only accept it as a thing strong, upright, and aglow with a light all its own. Anything less is settling and settling is ultimately worse than being alone.
Settling inherently cripples love and inhibits happiness. If we settle, we may as well surrender up our hopes and dreams for the same inhibited, shriveled reality people are continually trying to force upon each other. In 30 years, I could not count the number of times I have been questioned about my relationship status by people in miserable or stagnant relationships. How many of these people live love in their relationships? Not many, it seems to me. I am not talking fairy tale, pie in the sky, movie love. What I am talking about is mutually beneficial, supportive, healthy, comforting love, the kind everyone talks about but no one seems to believe in. Despite all I have seen, and the little I have experienced, I still believe it is out there. For my friend's sake, I hope he believes it too.
I may end up alone, but if I can't live love the way I envision it, then there really is no tragedy in not loving at all. Life is an all or nothing proposition, when you get right down to it.. I sometimes waiver, but there is a part of me that would rather live in pursuit of a dream than live with the costs of compromise. There is no question, life is too short. Love, as one of the most important facets of life, should be treated in the same fashion. Maybe I'm delusional, or immature, but after seeing all the shit people do to each other, I'm convinced that I have to at least try.
----------------
Now playing: Aerosmith - Dream On
Labels: life
Read or Post a Comment
<< Home