Friday, December 14, 2007
Looking for that oasis
I have to believe that somewhere in this swirling world, there is an oasis, a place where a listless traveler might find a night or two of peace on which to rest tired bones. This oasis does not have to be an actual place, it could be a moment in time, a shared space with someone who makes any place the right place, or a state of mind that makes place completely irrelevant. Internal or external, real or imagined, material or completely formless, whatever form this respite takes, it would be a relief to know it.
It is time to move on, the pressure in my back, my head, and my gut are making that abundantly clear. At a time when things are going well in nearly all facets of my life, I still feel ill. Somehow, I am succeeding in making my dreams my reality, yet finding myself feeling more strained all the time. Maybe it is the pressure of getting closer that is causing some sort of increase in my desire to reach that next waypoint. There are no guarantees that moving away will make things better, but there is a guarantee that moving away will bring change, so an opportunity for something better may present itself. Right now, all I can be sure of is that the status quo is making me miserable.
Unfortunately, I am a year and an half away from finding out, regardless of where I go. None of the schools I am interested in attending accept graduate students during the Spring, so the earliest I might be moving away is in the Summer/Fall timeframe of 2009. I can almost feel my spirit groan as I type that. That means another year and an half of biding my time, another year and an half of holding out hope that change will bring with it new, positive opportunities and experiences. For once in my life, I am hoping that all of this work will bring a genuine pay off. I firmly believe in the idea that the journey(the work) is the real destination(reward), but it would be nice to reap some gratifying benefits from all this thinking, working, and digging.
I crossed paths with a bunch of friends from the old car scene, none of whom I had seen in a year or more. One of them once called Chicago home, so we got to talking about the city and the general vibe of the metropolitan mid-west. He had nothing but good things to say, though everyone who has ever been there agrees, the Winters are a bitch. From his description, Chicago sounds like New York, if New York were repopulated by decent human beings. Could such a place be characterized as an oasis? Somehow I doubt any place with over 1 million people living within miles of one another could be described as an oasis, but it would certainly be a change. At this point, any idiot can see that I am desperately in need of change. Finally, I am starting to see it too.
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Now playing: Jeff Buckley - Hallelujah
via FoxyTunes
Labels: life
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