Friday, January 25, 2008

Hopeless romanticism? Bleh...

One thing I have not ever had much skill with has been inserting myself into a female's awareness, i.e. introducing myself to a strange girl I'm interesting in. It's not that I'm shy, it's just a skill I did not ever fully hone. The crux of the problem is in that moment when the decision is made to force yourself into a girl's attention. I am not capable of using lines, but I always wanted to avoid coming off as "just another guy hitting on a girl". Unfortunately, I haven't ever been able to come up with a more clever way of making a first impression. On extremely rare occasions, it is as simple as walking up and introducing myself, but normally there are problems with time and place and circumstance.

For instance, a new face appeared around the office recently; cute girl, 20-something, no obvious signs of marriage. We crossed paths a couple of times, she smiled, I smiled, that sort of thing, but I just feel no motivation to stop her on her travels and start a conversation. Maybe it's just that I am getting old, but something tells me the real issue lies within my perceptions and attitude. I have not ever been an aggressive pursuer of women, so I haven't ever done those things our elders talk about...like repeatedly asking a girl out who keeps refusing or stopping into somewhere I don't have to be, just to see a girl. That sort of thing just doesn't fit into my sense of reality. On top of all that, there is a pronounced scarcity of women I would want to pursue, so you have a recipe for lots of shoulder shrugging and social retardation. I am finding that, as I grow older, I am becoming more and more comfortable being alone and the very idea of the chase is becoming completely unappealing.

So making an introduction almost seems pointless at this stage. I'm confident enough to believe that getting past the initial "hello my name is" with a single girl means I will almost certainly get her number, with a better than average chance of getting a first date, but then what? Another date, learn some more about her..another date, learn more…then another, learn some things I probably don't want to know and here's where things usually start to derail. On one hand, most girls seem to be expecting at least a kiss and/or grope attempt by date 3. By date 4 or 5 or 6, I'm still trying to figure out if this is someone I want to spend more time with. In this enlightened age of Wal-Mart sex where the most sacred of physical acts is cheap and getting cheaper, the expectation seems to be that at least one condom has been soiled by date 4 or 5. If you make it to date 6, most people would say they are "dating", which really means "we're fucking, but this could still end at any time and for any reason".

At some point people decide they are boyfriend and girlfriend, thus beginning what more often than not seems to become an endless string of drama, fucking, fighting, complacency, splitting, getting back together, and so on and so forth. Very rarely do two people come together, gel, and stay together in what I understand to be a happy, healthy relationship, which is to say, a relationship where both people are equals enjoying each other's mental, physical, and spiritual company. No cheesy "happily ever after" nonsense, I'm talking about two people connected on those three fundamental levels who are simply enjoying each other. That seems like a happy outcome to me, but it so rarely happens(never?) that most people seem to have dismissed the possibility of experiencing it outright.

At some point, I started to look at the situation and think to myself, "what the fuck is wrong here". It was hard to see waiting and getting to know someone as a bad idea, so I became pretty confident that I wasn't the primary antagonist in these particular life dramas. Once I crossed that Delaware, it was only a matter of time before I started questioning the value of the whole process in general.

I suck at Photoshop, but I'm learning:

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Posted by Erik @ 1/25/2008 09:33:00 AM