Thursday, January 03, 2008

Thursday thoughts...I should be working

I have been thinking a lot about spirit these past few days, trying to get myself refocused, trying to get back to something resembling balance. There seems to be an infinite number of possibilities, where the spirit is concerned, but I find that having any original thoughts on the matter are almost impossible. Finding original thought out in the wild is just as difficult and finding people I have something in common with is as challenging as ever.

Through all of this, I have been reflecting on 2007. Despite how badly it finished for me, the year was largely a very good one. School went near flawlessly, I almost escaped the year without getting sick, and Audrey came into my life. Not bad, all things considered, but the year ended with a limp and a stumble, rather than on a gallop. I seem to have learned the lessons of 2006 well, as I kept my emotions safely contained, so there were no heartbreaks or dramas worth mentioning, my car made it through the entire year unscathed, and I completely avoided annihilating myself with drink. My mental health would appear to be holding steady and I certainly didn't gain any weight, so things could have certainly been worse.

Why then is there this lingering sense of dissatisfaction? Much of it has to do with work. There simply is no joy to be found there currently and things are only getting worse. We are short staffed and seeing a steady increase in individual workload as a result. Nearly everyone is starting to make mistakes and experience stress related maladies. Given enough time, prolonged stress begins to have adverse effects on your basic functionality. Pieces and parts start to break down, to the point that you start forgetting little details like when classes start next term, and that you needed to get some new tires for your car. You start getting sick, then have a harder time than usual fighting off whatever is ailing you. Everyone seems to feel physically drained, and no one seems to feel good about their work any longer. I find that even my sense of spirituality begins to suffer, so that I sink into a generalized state of malaise, losing sight of the things that define who I am.

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Now playing: Sufjan Stevens - Seven Swans
via FoxyTunes

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Posted by Erik @ 1/03/2008 10:00:00 AM