Tuesday, February 12, 2008
A-mazing
I had dinner with an old friend over the weekend. Hadn't seen him in nearly 8 years or so and ran into him purely by chance. Mom and I were out for some reason and decided to grab lunch at the local Olive Garden. On the way, we decided to do the Macaroni Grill instead. While waiting for our meal, my old friend, his wife, and his mother came in. I didn't recognize him at first, but eventually I realized who he was, went over to say hello, and we traded information. Fast forward a couple of weeks and we met up for dinner at a local Thai restaurant. Through the course of the conversation, I came to really understand just how much time I had wasted through my 20s.
I look at the drawing I am currently working on and I realize that I can, in fact, draw - at least I have some ability. With that comes the regretful realization that I should have been drawing in earnest all these years. Instead of spending 1/3 of my life to date laboring at jobs that ultimately left me unfulfilled and my abilities wasted, I should have been working and refining and expanding those abilities. My friend was graduating from Northern Illinois and earning a Master's degree from the University of Tampa. He did two years in marketing with Big Brothers, Big Sisters where he met his wife. They bought a house and are currently working on kids.
How do you explain that you effectively abandoned your dreams and set off on a dead-end journey toward irrelevance to people who have their proverbial shit together? In my experience, there is no point in trying. Most people won't understand or care, because the end result is still the same: renting a room from the parental units while finishing up a degree at an age when most people are well into being "settled down". Honestly, I'm not sure how to feel about that. I definitely look at my 20s as 10 predominantly wasted years, but that waste has left me more motivated not to waste the next 10 than I probably would have been otherwise. I suppose the final verdict will have to wait another 10 years or so, but I have to admit that I found myself wishing that I had a few more stories to share that related to forward progress. All I have in hand today is "I hope so" and "I plan to", which equates to little more than hot air until something comes to fruition.
If I had kept drawing at the pace and with the energy I had as a teen, I very well might be a working artist today. There's no making up for lost time, so the only recourse is to make the most of out years to come, but that brings me back to the idea that relief is always "just around the corner", but these corners are so numerous that they become a maze and this maze becomes something like a spatial ball of yarn to run through.
Time for some comic relief thanks to Sarah Silverman...
Labels: life
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Your Mom said you ran into him... what a small world.
I know what you mean about the 20's, at least when it comes to college. I spent yesterday and today on the phone, on-line, etc., trying to apply to college in between my daughters’ temper-tantrums. Needless to say, the entire time I was thinking... why on earth didn't I do this 10 years ago??? But, better late than never!!!
I couldn't say I wasted my 20's though. I just spent the last few minutes looking back and realized that I LOVED them! We had some difficult times, but we realized we can overcome just about anything. Along the way, we’ve met amazing people that will always be a part of our lives. We had the opportunity to travel and experience living in a couple different places…one good, one not so good =) And then of course we had our two beautiful girls... what could be better than that =)