Monday, May 19, 2008
I am not a cowboy
Country theme bars, like any theme bar, draw a predictable, if narrow demographic. Of course, all that changes on nights with drink specials. For instance, Saturday night is $10 sink-or-swim night at the local "country" inebriation station, so the demographics get skewed away from urban cowfolk by an influx of ordinary suburbanites looking to get hammered on the cheap. Thus, you end up with a mass of 20-somethings donned in baggy pants and DC hats standing around the perimeter of a dance floor inhabited by the cowboy crowd urgently line-dancing to everything from contemporary western-pop to countrified hip-hop. The douchebag quotient is high, with blowouts and flat-billed hats combining with pristine cowboy boots and camouflage trucker hats. The scene is a hodgepodge of pretend and make believe, making it a wonderful representation of the suburban soup.
For someone as socially retarded as myself, such an environment is about as welcoming as nails being driven into my eyes. The place is packed with people, so there's no space to sit and relax. Smoke is everywhere, contemporary country music fills the place with a wall of twangy relationship laments, affirmations of cowgirl power, and blind nationalism. A sea of people in various states of drunkenness bump, and jostle each other continuously, since the crowd is packed in so densely there's limited space to move. The one plus, and there is just one, is that the drink specials and dancing attract an unusually high number of young ladies. For reasons that defy explanation, a large number of women enjoy country music and line dancing. And there is something to be said for an attractive woman in shorts, boots and a cowboy hat. lol Unfortunately, I have neither Brad Pitt's looks, nor Bill Gates' money, so I am dependant on conversation to make any headway with a female. Given the nature of the venue, there is little opportunity to engage in anything resembling intelligent conversation. The place is too loud for easy, casual conversation, and more often than not, the girl you're wanting to talk to is going to be dancing.
It does not take a genius to know that a guy who can dance is going to do better than one who cannot, particularly in a bar where half the square footage is devoted to dance floor. If only I were a guy who enjoyed dancing, or one who enjoyed doing something I don't enjoy(i.e. dancing) in order to chat up women. Sadly, I am neither of those guys. It's not about being embarrassed or worried about looking like a fool. Certainly, those things are factors, but the truth is that I simply do not have fun while dancing. Expecting me to enjoy dancing is like expecting a girl to enjoy sparring or playing basketball. These are things I have enjoyed, but there are relatively few women who would claim to enjoy them. More often than not, people assume a dislike of dancing has something to do with insecurity, but the reality is that dancing is just not enjoyable for everyone…especially line dancing.
So the obvious question is, why be there in the first place? And my honest answer is that I only go because some of my friends enjoy the place. It's really that simple. My single buddies like the place because cute girls are everywhere, so I go along for a few watered down drinks, a bit of shouted conversation, and the occasional laugh. The one bonus is that I get great parking when I am on the bike, while everyone in a car has to drive around aimlessly, hoping that the clouds will part and a spot will open up. Ironically, this is one country bar where Harleys are almost unheard of. The last time I was there, I met a buddy of mine who drove, so I parked by myself on one of the sidewalks near the building. When we left, Audrey was surrounded by sportbikes. That says all I need to know about the place's country credentials. :)
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Oddly enough, once again we agree =) I HATE dancing. I get no enjoyment out of it, if my choices are dancing or basketball... I'd pick basketball every time. My thing is and has always been when we go out with our friends is… why go dancing where we can't talk or hear each other, versus going to a place where we can all sit around have drinks and a good conversation!
I'm with on the conversation. My biggest mistake is probably talking too much, but I can't help it. When I meet a girl I'm interested in, I want to TALK to her. I don't have the looks or the charm to have a shot after a simple "hello" and some dancing. lol