Wednesday, May 07, 2008

Being a thinking animal sucks

I may have it wrong where women are concerned, but I think there is some merit to what I am saying, particularly where the collective sense of self-worth comes up. Generally, by necessity as much by choice, I tend to insulate and keep most of the women I meet at arm's length. In a place like this one, that is the only approach I have found that keeps the type of women I am attracted to at a safe distance. Perhaps that makes me a mess. I don't feel like a mess, but what is or is not a mess is as much a matter of opinion as anything else in this life.

Be that as it may, no matter how alienated or insulated someone becomes, there is always a part of them that desires human contact. As someone who has learned to live with long stretches of minimal or zero contact, that subliminal yearning for touch is one of the most incessant and annoying and distressing parts of the shared human psyche. I don't care how strong your will or resolve, it will be present, and it will make its presence known, like the ache of an arthritic knee. It comes and goes, but its presence is always felt. If not for that continuous ebb and flow, that nagging sensation that never seems to fully fade, I am sure we would all be better off.

Loneliness and the fear of it are the root of so much trouble for so many people. For the needy, it becomes a compulsion which justifies acquiring contact by any means necessary. For the more resolute, it becomes an ever present gorilla in the room with two fistfuls of carpet in its massive hands, always trying to pull the rug out from beneath you. The animal within us is so persistent in its desires and so completely indifferent to our well being that it truly is our greatest shortcoming. Buddhism characterizes such cravings as the greatest threat to our psychological well-being, and I would argue that this is just more proof that the Buddha was very much onto something 500 years before Jesus walked the Earth.

All of this makes a place like Tampa, which is characterized as much by its cultural vacuousness as it is by a lack of any real identity, something of an hostile environment in which to play out life's dramas. Cheap and easy...cheap and easy...everything here seems cheap and easy and superficial and generally dumbed down. Could we live any more Wal-Mart? I just don't get cheap and easy...nothing good comes from cheap and easy...and a big part of the frustration I feel is a result of a maddening desire for change coupled with my inability to willfully transcend the cardboard cutout nature of my surroundings. The lowest common denominator seems to coat this place like plaque on neglected teeth.

Originally, this was going to be a post about the reasons behind my becoming a fan of My Morning Jacket a couple of years back, but it spun out completely. In my mind, the key to My Morning Jacket's power is that they feel free to share some unapologetically awkward and/or goofy lyrics, but say the sorts of things most people are thinking or feeling at one time or another.

My Morning Jacket - Touch Me I'm Going to Scream Part 1

Touch me I'm going to scream if you don't
inside I know we got the feelin' that you won't
I know it sounds confusing
but it makes a lot of sense
row a boat across the ocean
dig a hole under the fence

Touch me I'm going to scream if you don't
inside I know we got the feelin' that you won't
I can tell it by the way you smile
I'm smilin' too, I see myself in you
I can tell by the sounds you make
when you are pleased
you see yourself to me

Touch me I'm goin' to scream if you don't
inside I know we got the feelin' that you won't
how many nights can a soul
so full of life remain untouched
how could a soul make the most of what is whole
and what is here

I need a human right by my side
Untied, untied
I need a human right by my side
Untied, untied
I need a human right by my side
Untied, untied

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Posted by Erik @ 5/07/2008 09:25:00 PM