Tuesday, July 01, 2008

The Sacred

So I'm working on character design, plot lines, and image style for this graphic novel "thing". At the moment, I am moving forward without even so much as having conjured up a working title, so for the time being, let's call it The Project. I capitalize because capital letters infer importance and formality. Who says no one learns anything in high school?

My hope is that The Project will develop into something very different from anything I have done before. A friend of mine agreed to let me use some details from a story (the mystery story) she shared with me, which is a very good thing, as I have the foundation for an imaginary space in which to play and explore. I'm not JK Rowling, but I do have an active imagination, and I am going to do my best to let it run wild with possibilities. With any luck, this will be the most interesting work I've done to date. If all else fails, it should be enough to get me a Bachelor's degree. The drawing from a couple posts ago? It's still in a state of pause, but I hope to get back to it shortly.

So that's about it for The Project, but not it for this post. My mind has once again landed on the idea of "the sacred" and its value in modern times. I think I have posted a lengthy diatribe on this before. In fact, I'm sure that I must have. One of these days I'll use the search function Blogger provides, but not to day. So I was thinking about my little kid version of "the sacred". These things I hold sacred, that many other people hold sacred, are constructed of the fascinations and preoccupations of my youth. I suppose this idea of what is sacred serves as one more string I tie around my fingers in hopes of not forgetting what it was like to be young, to be innocent, to be free-minded. Too many people surrender up those things, or are stripped of them by life, for me to let them go without a fight.

How important in our lives are the things we hold sacred? How do they change and metamorphose as we grow older? Important questions, in my mind. I know a girl who has floated in and out of my immediate awareness for something near 4 years now. She's a gorgeous girl, fun to be around, gainfully employed, and numerous other positive, attractive descriptors, but she was also once promiscuous and cold and the complete opposite of what I would find attractive. She is an interesting question mark I am led to examine once in a while.

Should something like sex be sacred? I have a feeling that opinions would vary greatly. Ask 100 people, you might get 100 different answers. I believe it should be, but not everyone can or will share that belief. Is it possible for people with opinions in polar opposition to one another on such a key issue to build anything resembling a relationship? A couple of years ago, I would have said no as surely as the sun will rise in the East. I had a fervor powering the opinion that left no room for compromise. Now, I think my thinking is more in line with the idea that it shouldn't, and probably wouldn't, but that the failure need not be an integrally bad thing. Failure is a significant part of every life, particularly where relationships are concerned. Most relationships fail, sometimes miserably, and on occasion, tragically.

A friend of mine from the Visual Arts program recently saw his marriage obliterated by his wife's affair. They had been married 10 years. Everything about this particular art friend tells me that he is not one to philander, but she apparently was. Rather than leave, she took on a sexual partner outside the marriage. He was crushed, is crushed, but I got the feeling that he would persevere. I haven't ever been married, haven't ever been close, so I have only the most limited concept of what he must be going through. But I cannot help but wonder what she held sacred. What does she value? Him? Their marriage? Her word? Her honor? Her integrity? What does she put in a position of worth that transcends all other things? Could it be experiences as base as excitement and attention and gratification? What is a promise worth today?

I don't know and have been trying harder lately to let not knowing bother me. I am trying very hard to accept that most people, and in my case women in particular, are question marks, billions of question marks. Where I might have once lamented all those looming questions, I feel more content to not have any answers. Maybe I have learned some lessons on this journey through the physical world, or maybe I am just getting old, but the further I go, the more I am certain of my sacred, and the less I am bothered by the uncertainty of those seemingly limitless questions. The frustration that once scorched my thoughts on the subject now only flares up occasionally.

I am 31 going on 12, with the dreams of a 10 year old and the temperament of a crotchety centenarian. I have my sacred, and not much else, but in the end, I have a feeling that sacred will have been more than enough. It will have to be, as it should be.

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Posted by Erik @ 7/01/2008 09:56:00 PM