Thursday, September 04, 2008
Opposites obviously
What happens when you put a good girl with values in the same room as a good guy with values? Not much beyond conversation and a ballooning sense of awkwardness. Their collective values and resultant insecurities create a 600lb gorilla that looms and lurks ceaselessly in the room. Neither individual wants to transmit an impression that they are one of "those" people, even if they understand that the two of them are in no way "those" people. So you have a situation where both people are unsure of how to move any direction but laterally, or worse, backward.
In my personal experience, the idea that I must not be associated with the usual male stereotypes is so powerful that I find myself essentially paralyzed around exactly the kind of girls I am most interested in. We can have enjoyable conversation, enjoy spending time together, but ultimately, the situation goes "friend zone" and eventually ends up staying there. It is an amazing bit of psychology that sees a confident person rendered completely ineffective when the very thing this person is seeking lies within reach.
The why and what behind such psychological handicaps is at the least headache inducingly complex, buried beneath a mountain of morality, personal myth, ideology, ideals, and issues. This soup of cerebral debris clouds the mind and smudges any sense of clarity. You start to consider abandoning all the time and effort and work, dumbing down becomes genuinely attractive and you begin to wonder if there isn't some intrinsic value in following one's dick around, rather than the heart or brain.
The physical is stupid, and easy, and obvious. An endorphin explosion is an immediate, chemical escape from problems, issues, worries, questions, or troubles. An endorphin rush seems so much more fun than contemplative solitude, that the simple stop looking weak, and start looking like the enlightened ones. Perhaps gratification is a worthy end in and of itself, and all other values are illusory.
I sometimes find myself wondering at the nature of strength...if restraining and controlling the physical is really strength at all.
Cliche, isn't it? The disciplined, consistent, steadfast man/woman begins considering that the other side might indeed have greener grass. Simply thinking of the possibilities brings about a sense of clammy dread that he/she might one day fall in line with the simpler animals..if they are simpler at all. He/She begins to wonder at the virtues of a simple sensibility, creating a sort of mythology in which the simple mind is actually the freer, more natural mind. Sometimes I wonder...sometimes I wish to be simpler.
Labels: life or the lack thereof
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is true. but...what when you are a good girl and you are hot?
what means hot for a man?
I always heard stuff like that.
anyway, the thing is (from my side as a woman) that most of men dont carer is the girl is good, decent, or have values.
they always (the most...well...say 99.99% of men) go for the physical thing, I mean of course must be attraction and chemistry
... also I have to say that is worst when you are attractive and smart, they get scare it or that is my case. I guess men are insecure when the woman is professional, pretty, independent.
I think opposites sometimes works better because if both are shy will be boring....
by the way, how is going your work in photoshop?
Griss
Hey! I didn't think anyone was actually reading this nonsense any longer.
As the old saying goes, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. And I agree that most men don't care, but there is an argument to be made that most men don't care because they do not have to. Women, like men, don't have to live without values, but they choose to. It's all a choice.
The problem with opposites is that, once the thrill is gone, you're left with two people with very different backgrounds, beliefs, and behaviors. Normally that makes for a volatile situation.
So far, so good. I've been doing a lot of sketches in Photoshop, getting used to CS3 and the new Wacom tablet. Been posting the newer stuff to my Facebook account. If you're out there, look me up!
I am back in blogger world, I always keep reading your blog although sometimes I dont let comments. is interesting.
well, is true that you choose, everything in life is about choices, you choose the way you want to live and see the life.
about the opposites, I think is important have things in common, but anyway always one of the couple is going to be less or more shy.
always one is more adventurer and that is good and normal, the thing is that no the same person start everything always (make plans or take all the decisions)...
I think a relationship is about give and received.
about the photoshop, I would like to see how your work is going.
I have facebook but I dont used it often...well almost nothing, anyway I have an old account there so maybe I find you there.
G
I think it is very important to have very similar values, because two people who value concepts or ideas differently are inevitably going to clash incessantly over said concepts and ideas. Opposite attract, but they usually collide. That said, I see what you are saying. There has be a certainly amount of "different" there, otherwise, everyone gets bored.
Look me up on FB. My email ID is frecheer at eckerd dot edu.