Sunday, August 26, 2007
Moment to moment
There was a time in my life when 8 feet ceilings seemed to provide adequate space for all my dreams and aspirations. There was a time when moving away from everything, and everyone, I know in the name of some artistic endeavor would have troubled my mind to the point that the idea could only be dismissed as fanciful ridiculousness. There was a time when I thought of getting back into school, finishing a degree, and actually being able to call myself a college graduate as being almost pointless. Those times are behind me now and I am glad for it.
Glad, because I have finally, and not a moment too soon, embraced the concept that I am mortal. Erik, as I understand, embody, and live him, is finite. There are only so many tomorrows. From the moment a sperm and an egg merged, determining my physical and intellectual characteristics and capabilities, my days were numbered. A tiny spec of the spiritual fabric was encapsulated and harnessed in that instant, it's energy becoming the engine that would drive my life process, as similar specs of Spirit drive all life processes. We are, after all, infinitesimally miniscule pieces of an incomprehensibly large and complex puzzle that serves as the foundation of our collective journey.
Inexplicably, all of these specs are housed in imperfect, often heavily flawed, physical vessels. In my own life, I try my best to live the ideals of honesty, integrity, honor, love, and so on, but inevitably I have failed (and will fail) in various moments of my life. It is in the nature of physicality's limited and fragile expression within what we accept as reality to be rife with imperfections. The best among us limit and minimize these imperfections, working constantly to make their ideals their ideas, and in so doing, a greater part of who they are in day to day existence more of who they envision themselves to be. But most see ideals as unattainable pipe dreams, choosing to abandon the possible for the sake of more easily attainable scraps that become the accepted norm. And the beat goes on and on...
Once in a while, we receive blaring wakeup calls, and in the hearing we are startled to find ourselves at crossroads. Some have their eyes opened by personal hardships, others learn from the mistakes of those around them. There are times when we are collectively shaken by a tragedy or wonder in the world. As we all know, the only constant is change. Life carries on, whether any single one of us exists at any single point in time. Our physical personas are born, will live, and will eventually cease to be. Assuming existence began, that is the only certainty (despite what Ben Franklin thought about taxes).
The universe at its most purified state of distillation knows only now, this moment, this slice of time. Yesterday and tomorrow are products of cerebral processes. The impact of that realization will vary from person to person. One might "live for today" by seeking external sources of pleasure in the form of sex, a babbling stream, an open road, chemicals, beaches, or a billion other outside stimuli. Or, we might withdraw and embed ourselves deep in the stillness of meditation, the comfort of prayer, or other spiritual pursuits. None will be pure in their pursuits, but we are always at our best when what we seek is balanced, and in line, with what our lives truly need.
The intersection and interchange between the external and the internal will be unavoidably intertwined. Seeking life in the moment, which is in effect seeking to erase wasted moments from the imagined time line of existence, will impact the spirit, as becoming more in touch with the moment is in actuality coming into closer contact with our spirit's reality. If Spirit is the engine of existence, it can be said with absolute certainty to have neither a beginning nor end. Our species' first "law" of thermodynamics recognizes this principle. Why can't the spirit be nothing more than a fragment of 'life energy' that has changed states after having been acted upon by the physical changes undertaken by the egg-sperm combinations which generated all of us? The act of reproduction is a physical, fundamental state change, after all. Why can't life be the work resulting of said state change, and the aging process be that work's byproduct. When the work is done, the process stops, the energy changes states yet again, perhaps returning to its former, or venturing into another, and the process continues.
Why doesn't that work for everyone? No deities, no divisions, no rituals, dogmatism, indoctrination, and the like. Life just is, and within its state change dynamic we blink into being like quantum particles, only to vanish again so that our energy might find a new way in which to do work. Is that too simple, neat and tidy? Maybe it's all nonsense...I may be mentally disordered, after all. I do know one thing, 8 feet ceilings still provide enough room, and no room at all, for living a life.
Labels: life, spirituality
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