Friday, May 30, 2008
The Gecko
I killed a Gecko last night in probably the most horrible way I can imagine. It was an accident, but I still feel sick about it. He had gotten into the railing of my shower doors, presumably to find shelter from the giant monkey thudding around the building. When I decided it was time to clean myself up, the outer door must have run him over in its track as I slid it open. As a result, his back legs were completely ruined and he was partially disemboweled. I found him trying to drag himself away from the rails toward the bathroom floor. I cleaned him up the best I could, but it was clear that there was no saving him. So I did what I could, which wasn't much, and went to bed. By the time my alarm went off this morning, he was gone, and as silly as it sounds, I couldn't help but feel remorse. After all, this little gecko had done nothing to deserve the fate that had befallen him and to die under those circumstances must have been awful. Death is death I suppose, and his death was as inevitable as my own, but to be crushed and mangled in this way, without a quick end or any hope of recovery, is a terrible way to leave this life.
Now I understand that anyone reading this would probably be convinced, if they weren't already, that I am mentally ill, and at this point, I wouldn't argue with the idea. Be that as it may, I feel genuinely sad that I was the source of this gecko's destruction. Had I known he was there, I would have captured and released him in safety. As it happened, I destroyed him without even trying. Such is the nature of human existence. And I couldn't help wondering what I would be experiencing, were I in his place. Would I be afraid? Would I be calmly resolved to my destiny? I like to think I would be serene in my passing. I like to believe the understanding that death is little more than an inevitable transition from one state of existence to another, would soothe my passage from physical existence into something intangible. I like to believe that I would pass with some dignity, were something to happen and I found myself maimed beyond hope. But I am not 100% positive. I would not go screaming, that much I am confident of, but were I to be taken today, I am not sure I would be wholly prepared to go, despite my beliefs on the matter.
Were I to die today, I would go with a sense that I could have done more good in this life, could have been of more use in the losing war against humanity's destructive nature, but the reality is that I am part of that destructive force, as evidenced by this episode with the gecko. Buddhists believe that such accidental acts are not karmically staining, because there was no malicious intent or willfulness in the destruction of another life. Jains, on the other hand, would perceive this as a terrible turn of karmic events, though the degree of negativity would be mitigated somewhat by the unintentional nature of what occurred. Regardless, they would pay penance and seek a karmic cleansing. To the self-obsessed, ego-driven, Western mind, such an idea sounds absurd out of hand. After all, it was only a gecko, right? But in reality, that gecko was made of the same elemental components I am. We are both carbon-based, multi-cellular, flesh-and-blood beings. My superiority and his insignificance are purely and wholly perceptual concepts. In the context of the universe, which is utterly indifferent to homo sapiens' egomania, we are essentially equal. I suppose how much of that idea someone accepts as truth would determine how ridiculous my unease over what happened would appear to be.
I understand that the leather I wear when riding my motorcycle is the product of an animal's death, and I am sincerely sorry for it. I understand that I kill hundreds, if not thousands of insects when riding said motorcycle, or driving my car, or simply walking around, and I am sorry about that as well. Am I sorry enough to give up motorcycle riding and car driving? Not yet. Sorry enough to give up leather? Absolutely, should I find a suitable replacement in the world of synthetics. To the Judeo-Christian eye/ear, that probably sounds absolutely idiotic, but it's the truth. If one is to argue that good acts are more important than harmful ones and that all life has some value, the illusions of superiority, self-importance, even the self itself, have to be discarded. The idea that I somehow bring more value to the natural world than that gecko is asinine when my existence is examined objectively. I and my fellow humans have an infinitely more destructive impact on the living things around us than all of those living things combined have ever had upon us. If we do not recognize and consciously atone for that negative impact, we live in denial and only lose ourselves further in the lies we conjure to satiate our ravenous egos and fearful minds. In so doing, we become the servants of said illusions and falsehoods, thereby stepping further away from the fundamental truth that we are nothing more than matter and energy, the same matter and energy in all physical things. Nothing more, nothing less.
Labels: life or the lack thereof, spirituality
Saturday, April 05, 2008
Buddhism is beautiful
I had the opportunity to spend some time at Tampa's Buddhist temple, and yes, Tampa does have a Buddhist temple, Friday night. My Non-Western Religions class gathered for a visit to Tampa's Buddhist vihara. We had an opportunity to chat with the resident bhanti (monks), then participated in an half hour meditation. The bhanti and the vihara's regular attendees then recited a brief series of chants. The bhanti blessed gifts of fruit and water for those of us who were interested in partaking, then the elder monk gave a brief discertation on Buddhist Dhamma, Dhamma being the way of the Buddha as laid out in the Buddha's original teachings and sermons. He spoke specifically about elements of the Four Noble Truths and the Noble Eight Fold Path, both of which are cornerstones of the Buddhist faith.
Following bhanti's Dhamma talk, the vihara's most experienced lay-Buddhist (non-monastic practitioner), whose name escapes me now, stayed on to have some tea and answer questions. We sat on the temple floor and listened to his personal experiences in the US and in India. He is an American-born woman's trauma councilor who works in Tampa. His religious background is rooted in Lutheranism, but he has been a practicing Buddhist for nearly 20 years. As it turned out, most of the temple regulars are US-born practitioners who converted from Protestant and Catholic Christian heritages. Of course, that is not surprising given the pervasive nature of the Christian faith in America. While the meditation was a highlight for me personally, the entire experience was very enjoyable. Having had an on again, off again connection to Buddhism since the age of 18, I was familiar with much of what was discussed, but there is a massive amount to learn. The entire canon of Buddhist writings is hundreds, if not thousands of times larger than the Bible, so no one could hope to master it in a single lifetime.
There is no denying that Buddhism makes more intrinsic sense to me than any other world religion I have ever been exposed to. Its focus on dispelling the illusion of self, the infinite possibilities of causation, and a life of minimal harm all make inherent sense to me. Whereas other religions require belief in an all powerful, all seeing, supernatural entity, Buddhism (like other Eastern religions) believes the Universe always has been and always will be. Buddhist doctrine denies the world's many Creation myths, and generally dismisses the importance of how the Universe came to be. Ultimately, all that matters is that the Universe is and that we are intrinsically interwoven into it. The Noble Eightfold Path lays out a path toward Nirvana through a life dedicated to living mindfully and morally. Each element within the path refers to an aspect of the personality contributing to one's wisdom, conduct and mental development.
There is no Hell beyond rebirth and no limitations to who can or cannot achieve Nirvana (Nibbana to a practicing Buddhist). Interestingly, the Buddhist Sangha, which refers more to the community of Buddhist practitioners than a formal church, dates to the 5th century BCE, making it the longest, continuously operational religious organization in human history. The entire faith was founded on the idea that seekers will come, so recruiting in the fashion of Western religions is unheard of. We talked about all of these things and as the conversation progressed, I was reminded of all the reasons I had come to think of Buddhism as the world's most beautiful religion. No money, no power, no selfishness, no sexism, no racism, no hierarchy of power, no controlling dogma, no "put it on Sunday, forget about it on Monday" conveniences; Buddhism is absent nearly every negative aspect of Humanity's prevailing religions, which allows for a focus on openness and possibility. In my mind, that is what religion and faith should really be about.
Labels: spirituality
Tuesday, January 08, 2008
I'm just as lost as anybody
For some reason, I can't stop thinking about the fact that, no matter how high we rise or low we sink on life's imagined totem pole hierarchy, we are all equal in the end. Some of us will go peacefully, some of us will be taken horribly, but in the end, our bodies will all eventually fail. Buddhism uses this as evidence of the insignificance of our physical incarnation. Physical life is temporary and any perceived significance it might have(as a product of the egotistical mind) is illusory. Taoism tends to look at death as more or less a non-event, since life and death are essentially irrelevant to the spiritual truth of the Tao.
The idea is that oneness is the only truth, and the divisions we experience in life are muted by its cessation. How did the old poem put it? Something about Kings and peasants all being same when they are put in the ground...I can't remember off hand and I am too busy to look it up, but the concept is pervasive across all of human spirituality. The Judeo-Christian god does not care about a person's station, wealth, or power. His judgment comes down based upon the soul's actions and deeds in life. A good man can struggle in rags or riches, but his fate will be determined by how he lived and what he did…seems fair and logical to me.
So power, money, station, material wealth, etc are all trivial in every major religion I am aware of. Unless the materialist pagans were right, what you have in the physical world will ultimately mean nothing in the spiritual world. Sounds good, on the surface, but the problem is that most of the people I know believe no such thing. In fact, many would consider what I believe to be trivial, if not outright ridiculous. Their god is money and material, their spiritual mantra is ownership, and their prayers are transmitted electronically via credit card and debit transactions. There is no place in their worlds for day-to-day spirituality. The gods need edgier logos and better marketing reps. Someone call Saatchi and Saatchi!
It is an age-old divide, on one side the materialists, on the other the spiritualists, but in the end we are all ultimately unified, so even the idea of sides is ultimately meaningless. While a materialist will spend their entire life pursuing things, acquiring stuff, and seeking superiority, he or she still ends up in the great stillness, eventually. The spiritualist, recognizing the uselessness of pursuing things, lives a minimalist existence and one day too, finds their physical body being recycled into the Earth.
Will all the materialist’s work and struggle have been worth it? I suppose my answer is obvious, though I still have a few things that I struggle and strive for. While I try to reserve my genuine efforts for things that move my heart, mind, or (on lucky, rare occasions) soul, I am little more than a partially reformed materialist. In actuality, I may be even more materially deluded, in that I recognize the lie in material ownership, but willfully choose to chase specific material things anyway. The idea that what we own ends up owning us is real, and one of life's most obvious truths, yet I still work to own things. It’s a bizarre, paradoxical way to live, I suppose. Maybe I’m not ready for monkdom just yet, but I'm working on it.
Everyday People
Sometimes I'm right
And I can be wrong
My own beliefs are in my song
The butcher, the banker
The drummer and then
Makes no difference
What group I'm in
I am everyday people, yeah, yeah
There is a blue one
Who can't accept the green one
For living with a fat one
Trying to be a skinny one
Different strokes
For different folks
And so on and so on
And scooby dooby dooby
Oh sha sha
We got to live together
I am no better
And neither are you
We are the same whatever we do
You love me you hate me
You know me and then
You can't figure out
The bag I'm in
I am everyday people, yeah yeah
There is a long hair
That doesn't like the short hair
For bein' such a rich one
That will not help the poor one
Different strokes
For different folks
And so on and so on
And scooby dooby dooby
Oh sha sha
We got to live together
There is a yellow one
That won't accept the black one
That won't accept the red one
That won't accept the white one
Different strokes
For different folks
And so on and so on
And scooby dooby dooby
Oh sha sha
I am everyday people
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Now playing: Sly & the Family Stone - Everyday People
via FoxyTunes
Labels: life, spirituality
Tuesday, October 02, 2007
Monkey shines
I'm fascinated by the Monkeysphere article that is making its (second?) journey around the internets. If you haven't heard, the Monkeysphere is an idea detailed in an article written by David Wong. The articles intent is to provide a humorous explanation of Dunbar's number. The long and short of the concept is that the size of our brains is connected to our capacity for socialization. After researching ‘lesser’ primates, Dunbar and his team determined that the human animal is capable of socializing effectively with 150 other humans. In theory, that is the maximum number of human beings we are able to actively track and associate with before the population becomes too large and our ability to interact with other members of the community is compromised.
The article posits that Dunbar's number explains our species' inability to function in societies, drawing connections between terrorism and dropped hamburger patties at Burger King. I found the article genuinely entertaining, and felt compelled to do a bit more reading on the Dunbar concept, because it makes intuitive sense. For all intents and purposes, the people outside my circle of influence, i.e. the people I rarely, if ever socialize with, are of little to no consequence in my life. The article's premise, that we turn strangers into archetypal caricatures because we are hardwired to do so, makes sense to me. On one level, I know that all people are people, in that they have hopes, dreams, faults, etc, just like I do, but only those people I come into contact with and know on a personal level are truly 3-dimensional to me on a moment-to-moment basis. The rest really are background noise, or non-existent at all.
While I try to be polite and courteous, I reserve respect for people that I believe genuinely deserve it, so I cannot honestly say that I respect all people or hold humanity in any sort of elevated regard. And while I was aware that the rest of humanity likely sees the world in a similar fashion, I did not ever spend much time actively considering the implications of such perceptions. When you look at life in an objective fashion, you come realize that its value is entirely subjective, and that every life is lived as a slave to a mind which will subjectively interpret, store, and respond to stimuli in according to its own illusory understanding of the world at large. Each mind paints its own flawed picture and in nearly every picture on this planet, we are all filler images, if we exist at all. There will always be fools who worship celebrities and 'names', but even these people are nearly all irrelevant, particularly when placed on a geological timeline. Exceptions exist, of course, but most of those timeless names are more the product of our species' various religions than they are genuine significance and few are actively honored by those who worship their names anyway, so their relevancy is questionable at best.
It's an interesting avenue for thought and it ties in very nicely with my ideas of generalized spirituality winning out over the differentiation generated by ideologues and egotists. Our minds and bodies are the sources of our failings. The energy that powers us, that is at the core of everything, transcends the limitations of the Monkeysphere and all its subjectivist relativism. If every monkey is playing its own game of subjective "important/unimportant" or "worth caring/not worth caring", how can the argument be made for any sort of unified, singular, absolute spiritual vision or path? Even suggesting such a thing seems absurd, particularly in the context of a Monkeysphere-like, conjured reality. I believe our spiritual truth ends with the idea that we all have one. From there, I accept that any one of the world's various religions/faiths/cults could be right. When all is said and done, my only option is to live in a manner that does less harm, maximized my spiritual potential, and minimizes my intrusions on the lives of others. Of course, I have to make certain that I do not allow others to intrude upon my life, lest I find myself derailed by their influences. It seems to me, if all the other monkeys lived this way, we could simultaneously build a better world, live more spiritually legitimate lives, and satisfy our monkey-derived propensity for relativism. Am I wrong?
Labels: life, spirituality
Monday, September 17, 2007
A wise man once said that love is life's most powerful illusion
I think I may have written about all of this before, but couldn't find anything via search, so I'm writing it again. At some point I'll have to go and see how often I've repeated myself here, as I'm sure much of what I'm writing about will prove to be reruns. There is only so much I can think through and express in written words, after all. Add to that the mind's repetitive, cyclical operating processes and you've got a recipe for repeats. That said, I felt the need to put something down, so here we go…
The original Buddha is said to have argued that life's most dangerous illusion is love. Buddhism as it is practiced seeks to still the mind, so that the spirit might know reality as it is, without the input of internal dialog, or the filter of cognitive thought process. As I've written about before, we do not know Reality, but only our own version of it. In this way, our minds write their own version of the world that is unique to each of us. Love, as Gautama perceived it, is the most dangerous threat to our understanding of reality. When love is in play, our reality becomes a wholly subjective experience. We become convinced that our love is the only love that matters, and that the people we love are of intrinsically higher value than others around us. Even a destructive love will often find itself being perpetuated by the people involved, to their mutual detriment. As an experience, love cannot be defined specifically, and each person's perception of it varies, sometimes wildly.
Buddha would argue that this is definitive proof of love's illusory nature. The argument is that we need to dispel these individualistic illusions in favor of a more honest understanding of our shared truth. If an emotion or perception is not universally understood, it is not a piece of the universal truth our spirits inherently seek and is therefore a subjective conjuration of the mind. A Buddhist seeks to free his spirit from the rotating wheel of reincarnation. To do so, he or she must work their way toward spiritual absolution and purity of understanding as they travel from one life to the next. Obviously, subjective experiences and knowledge are not conducive to the development of total clarity. This state of pure, clear existence is what Buddhists refer to as Nirvana. Spirits who are worthy of Nirvana, but choose to remain in their physical forms as teachers are known as Boddhisatva. Buddha was a Hindu Brahman who became the first Boddhisatva.
To get a basic idea of the original Buddha's travels through life, give Herman Hesse's Siddhartha a read. Wikipedia gives a fair summation of Buddhist principles that is consistent with what I have learned about the faith through the years. Barring a more detailed history, the point of sharing all this is that Buddha is said to have known lust, love, and a myriad of other human emotions and experiences during his time on Earth. After all, Buddha was only ever 'just' a man. Before finding his way to Nirvana during a meditation under one of Nepal's Bodhi trees, he was a son of royalty and unencumbered with want of material things. He knew opulence and comfort, but abandoned it all in the name of his yearning for enlightenment.
He noted that love, and our want of it, was the most massive of all the psychological forces working against our perceptive purification. Love clouds the mind with distraction and creates an incredibly powerful connection to others. Therein lies one of the greatest problems with love as a source of spiritual freedom. Buddhists commune with their spirits by bringing the mind into balance with the body's second center of consciousness, known as dantien (or dandien, depending on who's doing the spelling). This second center of awareness serves as a conduit through which the spirit's truth finds its way into our waking life. I've talked about it here before, I'm sure of it. This second center serves as our intuitive core and works to balance the emotional and cognitive creativity of the mind.
There is said to be a thin line between love and hate, due to the powerful, often unstable, nature of love as it is actually lived. Like the rest of our individualistic realities, love is a manifestation of our physical understanding. The concept of love is tied to the senses and sensuality, all of which can conspire to distract us from the absolute truth of our spiritual existence. After all, the spirit is an eternal energy, so what use has it for the concerns of a mind and body that my last only a few decades of measured time? What is 60, 70, or 80 years on a scale reaching out toward infinity?
Love has its own gravity, its own monolithic presence, even in its absence. People in love, or who believe themselves to be in love, are capable of doing just about anything for one another. Their lives become increasingly insulated to the world outside of their love, and more focused on the world within it. The perceptions of those in love are inherently skewed by this insular focus, so the chances of seeing reality in its absolute purest state is lessened, or eliminated altogether.
Yet, knowing all of this (and seeing the sense in it), I am still compelled to know what it is like to love and be loved at least once in this life. Maybe it is simply a byproduct of my incessant curiosity or simply the allure of the unknown. Whatever it is, it remains one of my mind's many occupants, despite the fact that I understand this thing called love could very well derail my journey and leave me broken. Such is the risk associated with all things of substance in life, but with that great risk comes a chance for wondrous returns.
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Now playing: Alice in Chains - Would?
via FoxyTunes
Labels: life, love, spirituality
Sunday, August 26, 2007
Moment to moment
There was a time in my life when 8 feet ceilings seemed to provide adequate space for all my dreams and aspirations. There was a time when moving away from everything, and everyone, I know in the name of some artistic endeavor would have troubled my mind to the point that the idea could only be dismissed as fanciful ridiculousness. There was a time when I thought of getting back into school, finishing a degree, and actually being able to call myself a college graduate as being almost pointless. Those times are behind me now and I am glad for it.
Glad, because I have finally, and not a moment too soon, embraced the concept that I am mortal. Erik, as I understand, embody, and live him, is finite. There are only so many tomorrows. From the moment a sperm and an egg merged, determining my physical and intellectual characteristics and capabilities, my days were numbered. A tiny spec of the spiritual fabric was encapsulated and harnessed in that instant, it's energy becoming the engine that would drive my life process, as similar specs of Spirit drive all life processes. We are, after all, infinitesimally miniscule pieces of an incomprehensibly large and complex puzzle that serves as the foundation of our collective journey.
Inexplicably, all of these specs are housed in imperfect, often heavily flawed, physical vessels. In my own life, I try my best to live the ideals of honesty, integrity, honor, love, and so on, but inevitably I have failed (and will fail) in various moments of my life. It is in the nature of physicality's limited and fragile expression within what we accept as reality to be rife with imperfections. The best among us limit and minimize these imperfections, working constantly to make their ideals their ideas, and in so doing, a greater part of who they are in day to day existence more of who they envision themselves to be. But most see ideals as unattainable pipe dreams, choosing to abandon the possible for the sake of more easily attainable scraps that become the accepted norm. And the beat goes on and on...
Once in a while, we receive blaring wakeup calls, and in the hearing we are startled to find ourselves at crossroads. Some have their eyes opened by personal hardships, others learn from the mistakes of those around them. There are times when we are collectively shaken by a tragedy or wonder in the world. As we all know, the only constant is change. Life carries on, whether any single one of us exists at any single point in time. Our physical personas are born, will live, and will eventually cease to be. Assuming existence began, that is the only certainty (despite what Ben Franklin thought about taxes).
The universe at its most purified state of distillation knows only now, this moment, this slice of time. Yesterday and tomorrow are products of cerebral processes. The impact of that realization will vary from person to person. One might "live for today" by seeking external sources of pleasure in the form of sex, a babbling stream, an open road, chemicals, beaches, or a billion other outside stimuli. Or, we might withdraw and embed ourselves deep in the stillness of meditation, the comfort of prayer, or other spiritual pursuits. None will be pure in their pursuits, but we are always at our best when what we seek is balanced, and in line, with what our lives truly need.
The intersection and interchange between the external and the internal will be unavoidably intertwined. Seeking life in the moment, which is in effect seeking to erase wasted moments from the imagined time line of existence, will impact the spirit, as becoming more in touch with the moment is in actuality coming into closer contact with our spirit's reality. If Spirit is the engine of existence, it can be said with absolute certainty to have neither a beginning nor end. Our species' first "law" of thermodynamics recognizes this principle. Why can't the spirit be nothing more than a fragment of 'life energy' that has changed states after having been acted upon by the physical changes undertaken by the egg-sperm combinations which generated all of us? The act of reproduction is a physical, fundamental state change, after all. Why can't life be the work resulting of said state change, and the aging process be that work's byproduct. When the work is done, the process stops, the energy changes states yet again, perhaps returning to its former, or venturing into another, and the process continues.
Why doesn't that work for everyone? No deities, no divisions, no rituals, dogmatism, indoctrination, and the like. Life just is, and within its state change dynamic we blink into being like quantum particles, only to vanish again so that our energy might find a new way in which to do work. Is that too simple, neat and tidy? Maybe it's all nonsense...I may be mentally disordered, after all. I do know one thing, 8 feet ceilings still provide enough room, and no room at all, for living a life.
Labels: life, spirituality
Saturday, August 25, 2007
Mother Teresa
This article at Time.com discusses the forthcoming release of a book which compiles numerous letters from Mother Teresa dating from the beginning of her time working in the slums of Calcutta to her final years as a world renowned humanitarian. The book's contents are actually pretty shocking, at least for me personally. My understanding of Mother Teresa did not go any further than the public face and persona. All I really knew of her revolved around her public works. She was one of the world's most dedicated altruists and seemingly a person of complete faith.
So then, what are we to make of the fact that the world's most famous mother may have been completely discontent with that faith for the latter half of her life? The idea that she could sustain her giving and sacrifice despite feeling as if she had been abandoned by her creator is incredibly powerful. Some might judge a woman who has dedicated her life to a god that she believes may have abandoned her to be a fool, but I find her continued good works all the more admirable. How many people have the strength of character to dedicate their life to selflessness? To make that commitment despite personal doubt and such malignant self-doubt is nothing short of beautiful.
I had a deep respect for Mother Teresa's work before learning about her spiritual troubles, but I now find myself in awe of her determination. This is someone who proclaimed a total love for her god, and did innumerable kindnesses as an expression of that love, yet she felt her affection to be unrequited. In fact, she seems to have felt so abandoned as to question her god's very existence, at one point. In letters to a spiritual adviser/confidante, she raises questions about her god's will and ways. That's powerful stuff, coming from a woman who claimed to be living every day of her life in that same god's name. In this way, her altruism and sense of devotion to positive work transcends religious and sociological divisions.
Her questions of faith make Mother Teresa's life work that much more massive in scope. The entire time she was giving her life to others, feelings of abandonment and alienation from the inspiration behind her odyssey of sacrifice haunted those efforts, yet she continued on until her very last days in this life. That takes a special kind of determination that few of us can understand or hope to possess. What we could accomplish in a world full of people with that sort of character and integrity! Agnes Gonxha Bojaxhiu, Mother Teresa's given name, was an amazing woman, there is no doubt about that. In a world where so few people stand for anything, she stood for goodness and mercy and faithfulness, even when she questioned the very core of that faith. Remove any biases against or in favor of Christianity, and the legacy left behind by Mother Teresa is no less extraordinary.
Questioning spirituality is a natural part of the process of developing one's sense of spiritual solidity. Seekers must question the foundations of their search, and their understanding, to achieve a greater level of connection with their spiritual senses. Purifying that bond means examining, refining, and sometimes reshaping one's perceptions. Teresa appears to have eventually embraced the "spiritual darkness" that haunted her faith as a sort of penance to be paid as a means to achieving some greater connection to her spiritual master. While I may not agree with her reasoning, I again stand in awe of her dedication. I have to believe Christ the man(I believe Christ was 'just' a man) would have been overjoyed to associate himself with someone of such devotion to their shared cause.
In many ways, Teresa was a modern version of Christ's original disciples and in that context, her questioning seems almost tragic or sad, but there is no reason to pity a life spent doing so much good, while asking for little in return. I can only hope she derived some sort of spiritual contentment from the good in her life's work and that her final moments were tranquil and calm. Certainly, her spirit had no reason to be troubled.
Mother Teresa's Wikipedia page can be found here, if you're interested in learning a bit more about the woman and her journey. Fascinating stuff, for sure.
Labels: mother teresa, spirituality
Monday, July 23, 2007
Wishing after angels
Jimi Hendrix has a song called "Angel". It was one of the last songs he recorded prior to his untimely demise. In it, he sings about a visit from an angel and her promise to rescue him the following day. She returns the next day and as promised, she takes him home to Heaven. In the song, Jimi's angel is lifted skyward by silver wings and illuminated by a "child's sunrise". Jimi is at peace and welcome's his ascension without fear. He encourages her to "Fly on, my sweet angel, fly on through the sky." The song is peaceful and relaxed. There is no anxiety in passing and the journey is welcomed.
I think, in some way, we're all looking for angels. Now do not misunderstand, I am not saying that we all look forward to death, but I do believe we all end up finding a way to accept and be at peace with our own mortality. To face death in fear and horror seems like such an undignified, or even terrible way to go. Death is inevitable. It is the one thing we are all guaranteed, the moment we begin developing into zygotes. Once the life essence is within us, the one thing we can be absolutely certain of is that it will one day leave. Most of us will neither know when, nor how, but we can all rest easy in the knowledge that one day, our time will be done and the Great Question will finally be answered.
Depending on what you believe, the ramifications of your actions in life may or may not be realized in death, the after life, or whatever lies beyond that final closing of the eyes. There is some comfort to be gained from the fact that it is a sure thing. Of course, the question surrounding when is enough to frighten us, but letting go of that fear is part of transcending our physical self and truly setting ourselves free of the trivialities of our day-to-day dramas. Spirituality doesn't have to be something we just talk about, it can be something we live every day. By embracing our own mortality, we free ourselves to stop worrying about the when, and open up our potential to truly live for now. In so doing, we elevate our understanding, and shed the anxieties that work so hard to smother us. We are free to live our lives according to our principles and ideals, because the only thing that truly matters is our spiritual, physical, and mental health. The opinions of others, the transient troubles of this primitive world, the ebb and flow of our own insecurities, are irrelevant, as the only thing that truly matters is living life until death. What that means will vary from person to person, so the only stress becomes finding others who share your values and ideals with which to spend however much social time your spirit requires. Even this stress can be overcome by finding contentment within yourself, but we are social animals and I believe we all have a certain compulsion to interact with others on some level. I, for one, struggle with the perils and pitfalls of human interaction everyday.
And this is where I wish angels would enter the picture. I wish there was a place where willing people could be taken that was segregated from the general masses. A place where we could be free of the trite, shortsighted, consumer culture that pervades all modern, industrial societies. We are a vacuous, anti-intellectual, spiritually vacant society occupying one of the world's most diverse and beautiful land masses. This place could be something like the Christian concept of Heaven on Earth. We could live in paradise, but will not ever realize that potential because of the inherent failings in the human animal. Unfortunately, people are everywhere worth living, so there is no escape short of living in the woods on privately owned acreage, or moving to an area other humans would deem uninhabitable.
But wouldn’t it be nice if an angel could give us an escape without having to take our lives from us in the process? I just want to live in a beautiful place full of enjoyable, honest, honorable people. Unfortunately, such people are generally the exception, rather than the rule, so we our only reprieve is seeking good people out, and doing our best to surround ourselves with them. In this way we make our own private effort to shield out the selfish, ugly culture all around us. We are Rome and it is slowly burning. With that in mind, I think I might be able to relate to those early Christians who met their ends in the ancient Coliseum. The primary difference being that I would much rather be feeding Romans to the lions. C’mon angels, we need a miracle. ;)
Labels: life, spirituality
Monday, March 12, 2007
Life's a beach
Couldn't this be Hell? In some ways, it is hard to imagine how Hell could be any harder on a soul than this modern world. Think about it. Your soul, or spirit, or life energy, is encapsulated (imprisoned?) in a casing made of fragile bits and pieces, all of which will eventually fail. Having been placed in this body, the soul/spirit/etc is confronted with the temporary nature of physical existence. We are all born to die, after all. So we should be able to take solace in the fact that this limited ride is only temporary, right?
Of course not, because the mind is always reminding us of our finite, physical existence. Some of us worry at the implications of limited life experience and "live as if there is no tomorrow". Others ignore the fact and act is if they will live forever. A rare few will find comfort in faith and embrace the idea of an eternal spirit, thereby trumping the mind's constant insistence that its end will be the end of everything. To overcome the incessant nature of death anxiety, most people seem to find some form of faith, eventually.
So the temporary nature of physical existence causes most of us stress at one point or another. Compounding this anxiety is the knowledge that this ride will not only be short, but will also be full of unpleasantness. From personal trials and tribulations, to the prices paid for living in a chaotic and violent world, the troubles of material existence are unavoidable if one is to exist honestly. As a result, the soul is exposed to innumerable examples of physical ugliness. If we are fortunate, these unpleasant experiences are counterbalanced by examples of beauty and goodness, so that we can develop a more level perspective.
Isn't the mind's fear of death and the duplicitous nature of humanity enough torture for an healthy soul? If the soul is our link to the eternal beauty of metaphysical existence, how could it NOT be suffering while it is forced to deal with the pain humans bring upon one another in the name of selfishness or hatred? Every act of ugliness has to wound the soul in some fashion, as each act is a strike against the beauty from which our spirits are drawn. I'm not talking about sinning or sins against some god here; I'm talking about sins against ourselves, and the beating beauty takes in this world. In a world where beauty is constantly trying to be claimed, exploited, or marginalized, the spirit is bound to take a pounding.
Just some thoughts I had while at work this morning.
Speaking of beauty, I managed to get out on the beach for the first time this season Saturday afternoon. The weather was utterly gorgeous! The sun was up, but not too strong, a steady sea breeze was rolling in off the gulf, and there was hardly a cloud in the sky. It was one of those postcard days that make living here worth the strain. I swung by to pick up D, my BB 'little', and we decided to meet Bryan and Anne at the pet beach, since they were headed there with their lab pup Cody.
D's mom is beach averse, so the poor kid has not had many opportunities to partake in Florida's greatest asset. What could be more tragic than growing up in Florida and NOT hitting the beach at least semi-regularly?? I will definitely have to help the little dude out on that front.
It's fun to watch kids at the beach, because you realize that they are having an entirely different experience than you are as an adult. When he wasn't getting dragged around by Cody, D was chasing minnows and investigating the aquatic wildlife swimming around in the tide pools. Good times.
Labels: beach, life, spirituality
Thursday, March 08, 2007
The road to transcendence
Is paved in struggle, stumbles, falls, and scrapes. The journey is not ever an easy one and the way is not ever clear. In seeking, we are blind and clumsy from the very beginning. Even when we believe that our concept of the way forward is, at the very least, clearer than it once was, we still cannot be sure that our direction of travel is going to take us anywhere at all. Our only choice is to do our best and proceed on faith.
But what if faith falters? What do we do in those moments when our faith in the fates, the great spirit, or God begin to be battered by worries, questions, and time? Keeping the faith and not falling into despair can be a monumentally difficult task. We begin questioning ourselves, lamenting our circumstances, and faltering in our commitment to happiness. We lose sight of the possible and begin to focus on the failed, the regretted, and the missed opportunities. Our only choice under such pressures is to find a path back to ourselves, back to our vision and our aspirations.
I have lost some faith of late. The questions have begun to outnumber the assurances and the cold nature of reality has begun to send a chill down my spine. I've become acutely aware of my loneliness and in so doing have come to feel more alien than ever before. In this place, I cannot find someone who can truly relate to my situation, because people like me seem to be incredibly rare. I have tried to find people who think like I think, and behave as I behave, but I have not found one to date, and it worries me. It worries me because being out on a branch by yourself can be an incredibly lonely experience.
It's difficult to relate to others, because it is nearly impossible for me to make people understand how I see the world. I know that everyone has a 'unique' story, but mine seems to be on altogether different. To date, I have not ever met, or even heard of, anyone who has lived a similar experience. While I embrace that uniqueness and appreciate the perspective living this life has given me, I cannot always find comfort in it, so there are times when the price that has to be paid for being different becomes slightly more painful to pay.
If living life is the summation of a journey, rather than a predefined destination, how does one go about making the trek alone? In a place as sick as this one, where do we find the motivation to continue interacting at all? How do we overcome the paradox of hoping to find love in a world that has made such a mockery of the concept? No one seems to have any aspirations of redfining what it means to be alive, or in love. The world settles, takes what it can get, and looks at compromise as some sort of sacrificial rite. But compromise handicaps the vision and dilutes its purity. Compromise takes our ideals and stains them, to the point that they are tarnished beyond recognition. Where life, love, and transcendence are concerned, what good comes of compromise? What use is settling? While it is painful, it is better to go without and to be totally alien, than to compromise and lose any hope of finding what we hope for, or dream of.
Labels: life, spirituality
Saturday, March 03, 2007
My life as a social retard
I'm not normal, that much I'm sure of. If you know me, you know that I say the word "normal" with more than just a little contempt. After all, "it's just a nice way of saying average". So then, I am abnormal...above average in some ways, behind the curve in others, weird by most peoples' estimations. I'm fine with it, wear it as a badge of honor, but I'm finally beginning to understand its origins a bit better. It all started with extreme insecurity...
There was a time when I spent a majority of my waking hours worrying about what other people thought, what other people were doing, and how they perceived me. I continued to do what I did, which amounted to little more than nothing, but I did it in constant fear of what this person or that person thought of me. The truth is, I saw myself as being inferior to most people in just about every way. I was shorter, chubbier, less interested in random acts of stupidity, and generally a perpetual fringe element in the teenage social circles of my day. Needless to say, I wasn't dating, partying, drinking, or participating in life in general during those formative years. So I didn't get laid, didn't get drunk, didn't get high...I more or less kept my nose clean and tried to do the right things as I understood them.
I was a total dork, but a relatively harmless and quiet one. Things changed drastically as I grew older, but none of that began until I finally came to understand just how full of shit 99% of the world truly is. Anyone with some semblance of intelligence gets there eventually, I suppose.
Anyway, not dating, and not partying ultimately helped keep me from making many of the mistakes my peers were making. I was discovering my spirituality while most of my cohorts were learning how to regret one night stands, cheating on their significant others, puking their guts out, and generally exaggerating the significance of it all in an effort to rise within the pecking order.
As I grew to see the human species for what it is, I started realizing how socially retarded, yet empowered, I really was. Here were my peers, piling on baggage, "living" life to its alleged fullest, when in reality they were utterly failing to meet any of their real needs. They were spiritually vacant, intellectually stunted, and overstimulated. So when I heard people rationalizing their behaviors with phrases like, "we've all been there" or "we've all done that", I started thinking to myself, no we haven't all been there or done that, you dumbfuck sheep. Eventually I started vocalizing these thoughts, and the rest, as they say, is history...or the lack thereof.
Looking back, I can't believe I ever questioned myself. Ten years on, most of those people are no better off in the ways that really mattered than they were then. Few, if any, have made any real progress toward real prosperity. Most of them are working on their first divorce, their first trip to rehab, or their first step toward mediocrity. And that's all fine and good. What really disgusts me is that I ever allowed myself to believe any of my peers actually knew something that I didn't. I was always on the outside looking in. Always the one trying not to fuck up and to avoid trouble. I was that kid hardly anyone would remember or recognize at a class reunion and it killed me then. Only in hindsight did I realize how much of a blessing those years proved to be.
At the time, I was trying to work up the nerve to erase myself from the face of the Earth, because I felt as if my life were somehow less than those lives being lived around me. I am sincerely thankful that I faltered in this, as the world would literally turn upside down for me in my 20s. Sometimes cowardice can be a blessing. The old cliche is true...only in discarding our fear of death can we truly come to embrace life. I'm not 100% there yet, but I am sure as Hell closer now than I was at 19. As I approach 30, I finally understand that the opinion of nearly every human I know means absolutely nothing, so long as I am not harming others, and taking care of myself. Nothing else matters, and accepting that is a lovely piece of freedom.
Labels: life, spirituality
Thursday, March 01, 2007
The thing about someday
Is that it never quite seems to get here. More often than not, the opportunity for "someday" comes and passes without us even realizing it. Before you know it, you're getting old, getting tired, and losing faith in someday. I've spent many a day dreaming about someday, and I'm not sure the idea is much of a comfort at this age. We live in a world where Anna Nicole Smith makes perfect sense. I want a place where women like Audrey Hepburn roam city streets and suburban sidewalks. Someday has a way of wearing us down. It digs into our optimism like a maggot, embedding itself just beneath the surface where it festers and squirms. The idea that someday things will be this, or someday they will be that, becomes less of a call to faith and more a carrot suspended before the horse.
We are inspired by those whose someday became today and we all recognize that such prosperity is achievable, but we cannot ever be certain we will be one of the ones to prosper. So it is that I am unsure these days. In fact, I'm no longer certain what prosperity even means. Material wealth is a non-starter...it's just not worth the time and energy expenditure. I like to say that I am aspiring to transcendence, but such a thing is so abstract that it is essentially impossible to quantify. And getting there, for feck's sake, how does one get there directly? The road is a winding, overgrown, hazardous mess shrouded in mystery and uncertainty. There are no maps available to us that have not been tainted by the hands of Man, so we're left with little more than imperfect directions scribbled down by hairless monkeys. Our most popular cartographers believed the world was flat and that the sun orbited Earth.
The bottom line is that I'm tired of being confined by time.
I want to be put in stasis and left there for a while...I'm so tired of thinking about someday and possibilities, especially given the fatiguing nature of the here and now. There has to be a place for people like me. I want to wander out where the sheep dare not roam, where my ideas aren't strange or unrealistic, and where I can get away from all the social programming that tugs at my mind. I want to make someday today, and I want to experience it with my eyes opened wide to its wonders. This place has so little to offer in the way of things that interest me, it makes someday feel akin to never.
I stopped left most of my materialistic aspirations behind years ago. Those things are like dog toys and have nothing to do with a real someday. What I want are those things that really matter, those things that lift our souls to freedom, and free us of our physical limitations. That is a someday worth dreaming of, even if it is the least likely to be achieved. If I don't get there, I hope you do.
By those who ne’er succeed.
To comprehend a nectar
Requires sorest need.
Not one of all the purple host
Who took the flag to-day
Can tell the definition,
So clear, of victory,
As he, defeated, dying,
On whose forbidden ear
The distant strains of triumph
Break, agonized and clear
- Emily Dickinson
Labels: life, spirituality, whining
Saturday, February 10, 2007
Harmony
My drawing professor is an interesting guy. He's relatively young, 30-something, but is a combat veteran, long-time artist, and has competed in mixed martial arts competition. He is also a spiritualist, with strong feelings for the Eastern philosophical traditions. Needless to say, we have no problem finding interesting things to talk about. For instance, as class ended for the night this past Monday, the concept of peace came up. Art Prof proclaims that the idea of peace is ridiculous. Not only is it ridiculous, it is unnatural! Always being up for this sort of discussion, my curiosity was peaked, so I asked him to explain.
The gist of his idea was that peace, in and of itself, is an unnatural condition for any animal species. Nowhere in nature is there peace, as we perceive it. Ants are among natures simplest insects, but they are not ever at peace with one another. Ants, should they encounter a potential threat or food source, will almost certainly attack said threat or food source. This reaction is an instinctual act to better protect the ant's self-interest. After all, the fewer competitors he has to worry about, the better his chances of finding resources needed by the colony. His killing is motivated by a hard-coded instinct for self-preservation, which is ultimately serves to sustain his species. All through nature, similar violence and focus on self interest is present, from lion prides and hyena packs to lone sharks and dolphin pods. Nature is not made of peace and understanding. On the contrary, nature is often cruel, merciless, and always indifferent. Nature just is, nothing more, nothing less.
So if peace is an illusion, what is real? Harmony, was his reply. Harmony, as in nature will find a natural balance, a state of harmony, if left to its own devices. The interrelation of its various elements will be anything but peaceful. However, they will naturally settle into a state of harmonious balance. One species will feed off another, but the natural push-pull of population density will limit greed and gluttony. If they consume too much, the predators will starve, eventually killing each other for sustenance. Should the prey grow too populace, the predators will up their reproduction and kill rates, to regain the balance. Typically, a natural biosphere finds a settling point where there is balance and harmony throughout the food chain. Nature does not know any other way.
I knew where he was going as soon as he started and agreed wholeheartedly. Peace is impossible, and I think we all know it on some level. Man will always find a reason to destroy Man. This has been the way since the dawn of humankind. We will not ever know peace, as we are products of nature, but the higher price of our intellect is that neither will we ever know harmony. Ours is a species that has been out of balance for thousands of years, if not longer. A vast majority of our species cares nothing for balance. For most, it is not even a consideration, as its importance does not register in their psyches on any conscious level. Eating, drug use, exercise, nearly anything can, and inevitably will, be taken out of balance by people. It is a side effect of our ability to reason and rationalize.
Which leads me to the idea that our discord with nature is a byproduct of rational contemplation. Where nature shows us the way, we reason a way to somewhere entirely different, losing sight of the essential beauty in the natural order, thereby surrendering any hope for harmony. This is why many Eastern philosophers have referred to typical Western philosophies as being too top heavy, which is to say all brains, no gut. That second center of consciousness, or dandien, is an ancient, spiritual counterbalance to the brain's constant push toward the illusion of control. In Eastern faiths like Buddhism and Taoism, the brain is a processor of illusions and half-truths that spends its entire existence trying to convince the spirit that this world, this reality we experience with our physical selves, is all that the universe has to offer. In making this claim, the mind finds solace in an illusion of understanding, which breeds a sense of control and mastery.
Our brains constantly remind us that life is temporary, that the gelatinous mass floating in our spinal-cerebral fluid is Us. The brain and its accomplice, the mind, conspire to betray our spirits, forcing us to fear the temporary nature of this existence, thereby making us their slave, as their finite existence is all that we have. That is where dandien serves to restore balance. Dandien is a conduit through which our spiritual energy influences and attempts to balance the motives of our mind. In this way, the physical and metaphysical components within each of us interact. Theoretically, they would find their own harmony, and we would be at ease with ourselves, but in practice, the two are constantly giving and gaining ground. The idea of competing influences is prevalent through nearly all faiths and philosophies. The Yin-Yang is a good illustration of this duplicitous swirling, which explains its prevalence in Eastern doctrine and symbology.
Where am I going with all this? Isn't it obvious? I am not in harmony. There is no denying that I am incredibly top heavy, and I am not certain there is much to be done about that, at least willfully. I have been confused by some things lately, and have tried to give a more attentive ear to my gut, but I've found that I struggle to find any satisfaction, because my head continually gets in the way. I find myself having a hard time reading peoples' true intentions, so I assume the worst until given a reason to believe otherwise. Some of that is a natural reaction to the inherent selfishness exhibited by all people as we pursue our own interests. In that context, caution seems utterly natural to me, neither right, nor just, but natural. Remember that nature doesn't care about abstract judgments like right, wrong, or the gray between. Nature has no use for things like righteousness, honor, and justice. Neither, for that matter, do most people. And in the end, none of us can be perfect...we can't even get close enough to have a shot at holding it in our hands.
So how do we find harmony? We seek the balance. How do we do that? That is the million dollar question and the answers are all contextual. At this point, I would be satisfied with a little quiet time away from people on an abandoned beach. I'm not talking Robinson Crusoe, but a little Blue Lagoon would work for me, sans any human beings. People are such a struggle for me right now that an empty island with plenty of edible food and drinkable water would be totally refreshing! No one to criticize, to manipulate, to make demands of, or to obstruct my way. It sounds like a dream, like paradise. Obviously, this sort of thinking is fueling things like my desire for a motorcycle, and my decision to join the BBBS. I want so badly to find some good in this world that I find myself longing to escape even as I am driven to dig deeper in hopes of contributing some good of my own.
Labels: general, life, school, spirituality
Wednesday, January 10, 2007
A pep talk for the outsider
I write this sort of thing for my own benefit more than anything else, because I have to repeatedly remind myself that most people do not think/act the way I do. But, making the mistake of projecting your own values and ideas onto others is costly and ultimately foolish. It is not ever a good idea to compromise your core principles, but you can't expect from others as you would expect from yourself.
The worst thing we can possibly allow to happen in times like these is to give into the destructive and counterproductive behaviors all around us. Allowing the rabid excesses of a lost civilization to devalue or degrade our own principles is the absolute last thing decent human beings can allow to happen. So many people go through life with no sense of purpose or place beyond money and immediate gratification, it is integral that those who see greater possibilities hold fast to their ideals and dedicate their lives to making more of life than an exercise in futile conformity. Succumbing to the leemer instinct can only cause harm to our hearts, our minds, and our spirits. Succumbing is just another path to subjegation, and a life spent in subjegation to falsehoods and foolishness is a life wasted.
The temptation to give in is always present, because it is easier to fit in, fall in line, and surrender to our own weaknesses than it is to stand outside, break the chain, and find a means to greater, personal fortitude. We spend our lives looking without for reassurance and validation, when in reality the only voice that ever truly matters is the one flowing from within. It is not a coincidence that the notion of being true to one's self has been with us since the days before time was time. People knew the virtues of honesty, discipline, and integrity before we came to understand that the world was round, or that the Earth orbited the Sun. We have known these things for thousands of years, yet here we are, in a moral state not much advanced beyond that of our most ancient elders. Several thousand years of progress has really only netted us longer lifespans, better technology, and incredible population increases. All of the old evils are still with us in one form or another. They may not be as obvious, but the negative constants of human nature, greed, powermongering, and the like, remain integral components of the modern experience in all places and amongst all peoples.
But being a part of that eons-old cycle is a choice. We make a choice to conform, to buy into the notion that material wealth and basal gratification are the most this life has to offer. We choose to believe that our only real purpose on this Earth is to work, breed, do as we're told, grow fat, grow old, and die. Accepting that as a life is a choice. And it may genuinely work for some. I won't argue that there are people for whom this is the best option available, but for those who desire something more, it is essential to resist buying into the monotony at all costs. After all, following and falling in line is how we become the mechanism for making OTHER peoples' visions and dreams come true.
The moral of the story is that rare is the human animal that is genuinely honest, decent, honorable, and committed to something greater than what is right in front of their face. There is more to this life. Even in a place as morally impaired and historically shortsighted as this, there is room for beauty, love, and honor. It is the duty of everyone who believes in these principles to do their best in living them. Perfection is an impossibility, but there is certainly more to life what we are being taught and sold in this modern age.
Labels: general, life, rhetoric, spirituality
Friday, December 01, 2006
December 1st of my 29th year and this is what I know
This is not a comprehensive or top-10 list. I stopped at 10 because I was getting sleepy, and felt like I had typed enough for one day. A list like this one can go on and on, but these are the highlights as of December 1st, 2006, as I near the halfway point of my 29th year in this life. Just my thoughts...I make no claims to absolute knowledge or truth, only that these are mine as I see them today.
1. Decency does not have to be a myth. Despite the best efforts of the media, celebrities, sports figures, politicians, powermongering corporate executives, major religious leaders, criminals, degenerates, and other elements of society's detritus, I am more convinced than ever that decency can win the day. There is still good in the world...the real question is, how do we mobilize and empower it? At some point, the good has to start fighting fire with fire. Currently, good is getting its ass kicked.
2. Honesty is always the best option. This goes without saying, but it takes a certain level of commitment to ourselves, our collective integrity, and the values we claim to hold dear. If you believe something is right or wrong, say so. When someone asks you a question, give them your honest answer. It won't always help you win popularity contests, but it will help you sleep at night. And if the truth hurts, so be it. Truth is bigger than anyone's fragile ego and honesty more important than our momentary fear of it.
3. Love is still alive, but it has been on life support for far too long now. In a place where everything is a disposable commodity, love have been turned into a cliched distortion more often involving some form of dishonesty than a genuine oneness shared by two people. People use the word as a weapon, use the feeling as a tool, and generally shit all over the idea that it has spiritual implications. Our innocence is systematically ripped from us by a mass of cowards. They tell us that love is supposed to hurt, that love is painful, and even that love is an outright lie. But love does not, and should not, be any of those things. Love should be grand and powerful and empowering. Love should give us the courage to overcome our life's challenges and the comfort to heal our wounds after the struggle. People talk about these sorts of things, but talk is cheap, and too many peoples' actions reveal a deeply rooted skepticism, brought on by fear. I know there is truth in that statement, because fear is exactly why I am the skeptic I am today.
3b. Sex without an emotional attachment is nothing compared to "making love" with someone. Opinions vary on this one, but I accept the above as an inherent truth. Let the sexually enlightened, casual crowd do as they will. I'm more convinced than ever that it is to our collective detriment to take something so intimate and powerful lightly. Cheapening it and turning it into a marketing tool is one of the worst, and oldest, mistakes our species has ever made.
4. Speaking of spirit, I am now certain that on some level, spirit (or soul, if you prefer), is real. Spirituality, for me, is not the result of faith in a god or gods, but rather a faith in the power of embracing ideals of goodness that speak to my core awareness...the intangible something that fuels this body and mind. When I hit upon one of these ideas, or, better yet, find a way to make them a reality in my life, there is a tangible feeling of "right" that is hard to explain, but I think it is known to almost all of us at various points throughout our lives.
5. Goodness fuels all of our positive psychology and social structures. Decency, honesty, love, spirituality, they all are strengthened by holding goodness in your cognizant and subconscious. Goodness does not have to be grand or impressive in its scope, but we only benefit by remaining strong and determined in embracing it. We must be willing to defend it, uphold it, and nurture it at all costs. Look around and tell me whether or not you believe we are tending to these responsibilities adequately today.
6. People will disappoint, hurt and betray you. This is an inevitable component to any life, in any age, within an endless array of circumstances. We are all selfish on some level. You cannot thrive and ascend without some form of self interest generating the power to propel you forward. Even if your only drive is to become a better servant of your god(think Mother Theresa), you are still working to satisfy a personal desire. In this way, even Mother Theresa was selfish. What separates people like her from people subhumans like Paris Hilton, is a desire to channel that selfish desire for spiritual gratification into selflessness. Being selfish is not, in and of itself, a negative state. It is how we choose to steer that selfishness that ultimately determines our worth to others. Unfortunately, people like Mother Theresa are 1 in 6B or so, but that does not excuse any of us from doing what we can.
7. People will inspire, amaze, and uplift you. Mother Theresa, Gandhi, Siddhartha Gotama, Keith Lange, a litle brother, whoever, good people doing good things on a micro or macro scale hold the potential to be inspiring. In my Technology, Science and the Environment class, I read an article about John Crowley. At one point in his life, Mr. Crowley was a junior executive at Bristol-Myers Squibb. When his youngest son and daughter were both diagnosed with pompe, a disease that weakens muscle and generally kills most people within 5 years of diagnosis, he took action. He left his job, started a pharma company of his own, fought financial and development setbacks, and ultimately made substantial progress. The world is full of stories like this one. We do not hear about it often enough, but they are out there. We all owe it to ourselves to look.
8. Man is too primitive a beast to make widespread embrace of any given ideal a reality. We still destroy and exploit one another far too frequently, largely because of primitive drives (more of this is better, more of that is even better...the myths of material/physical happiness). When we derive more enjoyment from life, than from the things in our lives, we are well on our way. As a collective, we do not do this, and I believe that we are nowhere near that point at present.
9. Art and creativity, in all of their various forms, are more important than the monetary gains or losses brought about by them. Money is nothing, in the grand, spiritual reality that is inarguably larger than this life. But art and the products of creation take the intangible and make it tangible. Taking an idea and turning it into something real has defined our collective ascent. From cave paintings to thermonuclear reactions, the power of ideas has both propelled and decimated us.
10. The human brain is the single most amazing and spectacular creation of material reality that the world has ever known. Within its simple, physical structure lies an infinitely complex, as yet not understood, labyrinth of complexity. Our minds can comprehend calculus, fall in love, make sense of a Van Gogh painting, generate a car like the Bugatti Veyron, or make something like this rambling post possible. Our brains are the closest thing to a real miracle our species has ever seen. Few people seem to truly appreciate the fact that no other known species is as capable as ours and that lack of appreciation has become a tragedy unto itself...
Labels: aging, general, life, spirituality
Tuesday, November 21, 2006
We could all be a little more Jesus
I like Jesus, as a man, as an example of what a human being is capable of, as role model. Do I believe he was the son of a god, or immaculately conceived, no, but I have always believed that those things are irrelevant. How can something as immense as godliness be irrelevant? Simple, I sincerely believe that Jesus' life serves as a powerful story of spiritual faith, transcendence, and the beauty we are capable of as humans, and is made more powerful by the notion that he may have been an ordinary human, made of the same stuff as the rest of us. The power of Jesus' words are not in the magic, but in their simplicity, purity, and inarguable truth. No decent human being can argue against the principles behind idealistic love, honesty, and altruism. What rational person would make a sincere argument against honor, respect, dignity, integrity, kindness, and compassion? What decent person does not hold these concepts in reverence? How can anyone argue that these concepts should NOT be the cornerstone of decent society?
The best thing about Jesus' life, in my mind, is that many of his teachings, at their core, were ancient, even in his time, and thus, were completely obvious. He may have been something of a revolutionary in his description of a loving, accepting, and forgiving God, but the idea that love, peace, gentility, kindness, and selflessness were the most direct paths to spiritual bliss had been a part of many Eastern philosophies for ages by the time Christ was giving his sermons. These ideals run deep through numerous spiritual traditions and despite humanity's monotonous nature, they seem integral and self-evident. Would it be so terrible if Jesus were "merely" a very faithful, devoted, courageous man?
Would he be any less admirable, were he a man who reached out to the poor, the sick, the downtrodden, and offered them his wholly human assistance? As far as I am concerned, there is no value added to his lessons by the magic attributed to him in Christian mythology. I find it more amazing to think that a man, flesh and blood, like you and me, preached the virtues of goodness, righteousness, and love, then backed those words up with action. Magically creating food, walking on water, and even coming back from the grave are nothing compared to living an authentically good life as a material, simple human being. With all the distractions, temptations, and hypocrisy surrounding us in our daily lives, isn't it magical, in and of itself, to live a decent, honest, and just life? Why is it always necessary to assign superhuman powers to religious figures after their deaths? Why do we always have to spoil the lessons with theatrics and special effects?
The message was, and has been for eons, that we are ALL capable of living righteous lives. We are all worthy of love and we can all be part of something better. In my eyes, the idea that Jesus was something more than a man is a loss to us all, because his message is now that of a superior, not a peer. His actions are now the byproduct of a supernatural heritage, rather than those of an equal. Instead of a seeing a man who overcame the same challenges we all face, we are taught to see a man who is something more than any of us can ever be. Why does our species always do this? The man credited as being the original Buddha, Siddhartha Gotama, is said to have explained himself as being a simple man, with a simple story, that he felt had culminated in something special that he was compelled to share. He walked amongst like-minded peers and shared their stories and ideas. He was accepted as a man with knowledge to bestow on others, but it was not until after his death that he would be assigned the powers of godliness, and subsequently be made into a religious icon.
What is wrong with the idea that every man and woman walking the Earth is born with the capability to make something more of their life than selfishness and gratification? How is the message diminished or cheapened by the thought that a man like Jesus may have been nothing more than a man? In my opinion, his story becomes all the more inspiring! Take away the mysticism, magic, even the resurrection, and the story that remains is still awe-inspiring. What good comes out of making such a story of faith unattainable by the common man? Honestly, I simply do not understand what motivates average human beings to idolize others, denying their own possibilities in the process.
Which is why I am not a Christian, or a Buddhist, or a subscriber to any other fixed form of indoctrination. I believe that we are all capable of living these supposedly special lives. I believe that we all have it within us to infuse goodness into our world through our lives. None of us has been, or ever will be, perfect, but that is no excuse to discard the principles of goodness for some form of poorly rationalized apathy, or pervasive disinterest. The greatest lesson I have learned through my years of dabbling in various religions and philosophies has been that decency is a real, and totally achievable possibility. We are all capable of righteousness and courage. Our spirits beg us to be true and devoted to ideals, because it is this devotion that ultimately frees us to live a life of sincere spirituality, just like the men and women who have come before us, whether they be Jesus, or an anonymous neighbor who has devoted her life to loving her family, her friends, and her existence.
Maybe I am the only one who sees any truth in that. Maybe people feel more comfortable with magic, and myth, as it frees them from accepting that the only thing stopping their ascension is within, and not the result of some inherent flaw or eternal inequality...I think I've gone down this road in one blog post or another, but the questions continue to linger. I don't understand Western religions and probably never will, but I do understand exactly what men like Jesus were talking about, and I believe that is more than enough to keep me pointed in the right direction.
Labels: life, love, religion, spirituality
Sunday, November 12, 2006
The worst year of my adult life...
isn't over yet. I received a stark reminder of this today(Saturday the 12th) in the form of yet more damage to my beloved Scooby. This time the passenger's side, rear quarter panel had a close encounter of the expensive kind with a taxi's rear bumper. Scooby was parked on the street in front of the house, unoccupied, quietly minding her own business, when a cab ran out of room backing out of a neighbor's driveway, despite having 95% of the street to do it. No one was injured, but my pocketbook is going to take another hit, though this time insurance will be involved. In and of itself, the money isn't a great hardship. It is the aggravation, the seeming endlessness of life's bullshit, particularly surrounding this car, and the attacks my personal morale has had to withstand, that are taking a toll. Which leads me to thoughts on karma, gods, God, how spirit factors into this seemingly nightmarish equation...generally speaking, life philosophy.
This year has been a bad one, but things seemed to have begun so promisingly in January...it seems like a lifetime ago, now. I was debt free, optimistic about work, happy with the trajectory my life seemed to be taking, and generally content. I met a girl, fell for said girl, and that was nice for a while. By the end of February, I was a pretty happy camper. Then, in April, the wheels came off, and everything has degraded since. Fast forward 7 months and the girl was gone, Scooby had been injured and repaired (at a non-trivial cost), the work situation had begun to sour, and my purse strings had tightened considerably as a result. For the first time in a long time, I found myself stewing in regret and uncertainty, but I allowed myself to feel sure, believing that I had weathered the storm.
My return to school, combined with a plot to bring Scooby new, fire-breathing, time-warping life, reignited my sense of optimism. Things seemed to be getting back on track and as a result, I was beginning to get back onboard the optimism bandwagon. Then another proverbial speed bump sprung forth from the bowels of destiny. Now, I am inclined to feel that life fired a warning shot across my bow, reminding me that things are not sunshine and rainbows. And that is where my struggles with faith, spirituality, etc come in.
If I am to believe in a thing like fate, then it would appear that I am to sit passively as Fate continues kicking my ass for the remainder of the year...and perhaps beyond. At this rate, I am no longer sure it will ever end! If I am going to believe in something like karma, then this was all meant to be, but worse, the sequence of events that have unfolded were determined by me, the inevitable outcome of a karmic boomerang effect. If there is a God, I have to be contented with the idea that he is having a laugh at my expense, watching me struggle through these various emotional, financial, and motivational hardships from some pearly throne...something like a supernatural toilet, I would imagine.
To be honest, none of those options are very appealing, particularly God's toilet. I actually prefer to think that "shit happens", sometimes mighty, Earth-shaking, life altering shit, but shit nonetheless. The random in "random misfortune" makes things much less personal and therefore, easier to deal with. After all, if there is no one to blame, and no punishment being meted out, then there is nothing to be angry at, which makes being angry much more difficult. If God doesn't hate me, karma isn't punishing me, and Fate isn't whimsically taking cheapshots at me, the ups and downs of this year become less like pushing a massive boulder up an increasingly steep mountain.
Sure, there are still problems, worries, stress, and uncertainty, but there is less acidic reflux inducing anger, and sleep destroying worry. It is a shitty thing, and it has been a sometimes painful, sometimes heartbreaking, and sometimes maddening year, but it is not the end of the world. With Thanksgiving approaching, I still have an assortment of things to be thankful for: my health, my family, my friends, the forthcoming arrival of twin nieces (twins!!), my return to school, and the like. The icing on the cake is that only 38, just 38, days will remain in 2006 after the Thanksgiving feast has passed. I can only hope they go by quietly, peacefully, and without incident...maybe that is asking too much. How about 38 days without injury to myself, my car, my emotional well-being, or my mental stability. Even that might be a little much, but I am going to hold fast. After all, it never hurts to be optimistic.
Labels: general, life, spirituality, whining