Thursday, August 31, 2006

What is leadership?

Leadership is the ability to stay true to a positive and productive vision despite its difficulties and evolution. Taking the lead involves taking risks, sometimes on a grand scale, but a leader takes these risks with the understanding that he or she might fail miserably, may even die under certain circumstances, but follows through with the energy of faith. Subsequently, leaders risk making mistakes and must be prepared to forge through their own errors and see the lessons learned in their failing. None of us will ever achieve perfection, life will not allow it, so we have to strive for proverbial perfection with the knowledge that we will not ever be capable of achieving it. This concept is the root of all religions and while I do not believe that we are inherently flawed in the Judeo-Christian sense, I am convinced that we simply cannot live and learn life without failing now and then.

Am I a leader? In some ways, I would argue that I am. In the office, the expression of my leadership ability is completely dependent on my motivation and energy. When morale is high and the mood is a good one, the inherent belief that I am capable of accomplishing anything I set my mind to is as sure as the sun rising in the East. My heart of hearts tells me that I can carry or drag those around me forward, regardless of circumstances. More often than not, this is where my mind has been throughout the near past. I have taken on every task that has ever been asked of me and more. Where I was once unsure of my thoughts and ideas, I have become confident of their value and eventually stopped questioning much of my personal business philosophy. People look to me for direction and I give it to the best of my ability, with the understanding that there is only so much I can do.

In my non-working life, I feel that I have done a pretty good job of living according to my vision of what a good life should be. Some would probably argue otherwise, but I believe that nearly everyone who sincerely knows me sees me in much the same way that I see myself. In fact, they probably have a better understanding of Erik than I ever will. So long as they share their perceptions of me honestly and I reciprocate said honesty, we all benefit and our collective ability to step to the front is strengthened accordingly. I have no reason to fear anyone’s judgment and have learned that my own judgment is more or less an irrelevant thing beyond the confines of my own skull. My sense is that drawing these conclusions makes me a more complete human being that I was only a few years ago.

I feel like I have a purpose, that I have something to say and it propels me. That does not necessarily make me a leader, but it fuels my drive and increases my desire to make this life something different. This has been a year of turbulence and trial-by-fire for me. From being faced with relationship woes to suffering financially and psychologically with the repercussions of a momentary lapse of self-control to seeing a once ideal work situation begin to sour, I am being tested. Honestly, I feel like I am coming out better for it. A sword cannot be tempered without fire and I believe this year was one in which it was my turn to be put in the hearth for a while. The ancient blades of the samurai did not reach their full potential until much sweat and toil was spent in pursuit of each weapon’s unique perfection. For some, the process was simple and direct, for others it was complex and time consuming, but each piece of steel was worked until it was worthy of a skilled warrior’s hand. At this stage in my existence, I was melted down and formed years ago. My path is now one of forging, finishing and sharpening.

Am I a leader? That probably depends on who you ask, but one thing is certain, I am most definitely not interested in following, so either I learn to lead and what that means to me or I get out of the way.

Posted by Erik @ 8/31/2006 09:37:00 AM :: (2) comments

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

The illusion of safety

There's a scene in Fight Club I have always been particularly fond of. In this scene, Tyler Durden and Jack are discussing the illusory nature of the airline crash procedure documentation. A series of panel images is put on camera featuring lineart humans in various stages of airplane crash preparation looking calm and placid, as if they are doing yoga exercises or meditation. Later in the film, Project Mayhem replaces said pamphlets with Tyler's more honest representations of what would actually be happening in a crash; namely chaos, panic and the fiery deaths of the plane's passengers.

And so it is that I have had some of my own illusions of safety corrected, not by a nihilistic genius, but by life and its various revealing moments. For most of my existence I resided outside the norm, emotionally and physically detached from my peers and humanity at large. I kept the world at more than arm's distance, like one would a wild carnivore or diseased vagrant. In my mind, this was the high and honorable course; my own personal means to an enlightened end. Of course, disconnection is really a measure of avoidance, not a method of transcendence, but for years, I was ignorant of this truth.

Honestly, in reflection, it was as much my answer to fear and insecurity as it was a product of my want of independence and some form of differentiation. It wasn't until my mid-20s that I really started letting people in and the result has been a crash course education in what it means to be human. I have been elevated, aggravated, denounced, praised, hurt and healed. These things have only happened to me because of my active and honest involvement with the people who come in and out of my life. I touched their lives as they touched mine and I have learned a great deal about myself because of these contacts.

One such lesson is that my answer has never been safe and secure disassociation, because no honest answers are realized through fear or avoidance. Truths lie in real and sincere interaction, because in the end I believe the knowledge we glean from each other is irreplaceable and impossible to attain in any meaningful form by sterilized observation alone. I have only come to understand this very recently and it is part of the background behind my previous, much more vague post.

We cannot dwell in the darkness of fear and hope to learn courage. We cannot sit in place and hope to move the world around us. There is no ascension in descending into fearfulness or cynicism, just as there is no clarity in looking at the world through muddied glasses. All is lost if we do not engage and explore. This doesn't mean exploring in the contemporary sense, i.e. fucking up and using the exploration as an excuse for making said mistakes. What I am talking about is reasoned, rational, considered work within the confines of our current reality in pursuit of a dream or vision.

That is the piece I hold onto most dearly, the most important of the things I value in this life. We will all make mistakes, it is inevitable, but so long as we continually press forward with a positive vision and an engaged mind, these mistakes become sources of knowledge and energy for our continued progress. So I fully intend to keep pushing and recognize the illusion that has been safety. Despite my best efforts to be perfectly safe and secure in a micro-castle of my own making, I have been unable to avoid reality. Life finds us, even if we would hide and avoid it, because in the end, we are meant to live above all other things. Denying that is a prolonged death in and of itself.

From the time of my first memories to this moment in time, there has been no real safety. My reality was once a restricted and sterilized one, guided as much by fear as by moral vision. Where the vision remains and actually grows stronger within me, the fear is dying deaths day-to-day and I intend to keep severing its numerous tentacles until it is nothing more than a limbless stump with no hold or control of me whatsoever. I cannot imagine my life not being better for the effort!

I still dream of building my distant, proverbial pyramid, but now that dream is inspired more by optimism than escapism or despair. Being apart as a way to expand one's understanding of one's self is a benefit and in some ways a need. Sheltering ourselves up and throwing away the outside world is a cowardly act and ultimately nothing more than a form of self limitation. There is so much to learn here, disengaging entirely would only hurt our chances of really knowing anything. For those of us who dream of knowing everything there is to know about life and love and spirit, the only option is to actively engage and explore. Doing so puts us at risk, but facing risk is as much a part of the life process as eating and sleeping.

Great lives are littered with risks taken, challenges overcome, pain endured and personal triumphs. If we are to live a great life on whatever scale that is available to us, we must face our fears, take risks that matter and test our mettle in reality. We will succeed, we will fail and we will learn. This seems almost inevitable as death and taxes to me now and much more rewarding, in the end.

Posted by Erik @ 8/29/2006 09:37:00 AM :: (0) comments

Saturday, August 26, 2006

It ain't easy being human

I have been learning some lessons the hard way lately. At my age, that's a tough pill to swallow, but I'm doing what I have to. Of course there is no other option, but a quiet statement of resolve never hurt anyone. And for the first time in a long, long time the realization that I may be on a path to deeper insights into my psyche and my path through this life feels like a real and tangible thing. Of course, such knowledge is always hard earned and elusive, but if we take the time to stop, consider and reflect, the pieces eventually fall into place.

I am becoming more aware of the tenuous nature of our perceptions and the idea that we are all "only human" is taking on a new resonance in my cognitive understanding of what it means to be alive and learning. The idea that we can only plug the dam so long before the water begins to find its way forward is becoming more and more appealing to me. In many ways, the dam I had built in my early 20s has begun to show signs of cracking this year and I am finally ready to admit that I am ready for it.

There is an element of struggle, as this new flow of water has to be managed, adapted to and directed if it is going to be of any use, but then nothing worthy of pursuing is ever easily won. The real understanding that I am human like everyone else, that this is ok and that I am still very much the man I had hoped I would be at this age, despite the events of these past 8 months, is a comfort. When I look at the good versus the ill in my life, I still see a surplus of the positive and a modest accumulation of the negative.

This makes the pursuit of deeper truths that much more satisfying, as there is still no doubt in my mind that I am trying my best to bring good into this world. Now that obsession with goodness and morality is being tempered by more compassionate motivations. The compulsive need to judge, subsequently welcoming in undo worry and stress, is not burning as hotly in my gut lately. And honestly, I am thankful for its cooling.

It is hard to admit that you are struggling under the load of life's burdens. There is a certain shame in accepting that you are being drained by your mind's encumbrances, but that is the reality of my situation on August 27, 2006. Restarting my academic career with Eckerd is playing no small part in realigning my perspective, but life experience; real in-the-trenches experience, is the driving force behind my cerebral cargo and the unqualified admission that its pressure is ever present.

I think I will retire from the judgment game. I think I will listen to good music, read a few good books, write a few exploratory essays, get a few A's and allow my mind to regain some of its flexibility. Stretching out and taking the time to properly reflect and absorb can do nothing but good for all of us. It has taken me 29 years to find a place where I can sit and honestly consider such things, but 29 years is better than 35, 40, 60 or never.

Posted by Erik @ 8/26/2006 12:33:00 PM :: (7) comments

Thursday, August 24, 2006

First day of school

Thirteen brave souls traversed the first class of our Eckerd experience together last night. We went through general introductions, watched an interesting video interview with Vartan Gregorian conducted by Bill Moyer circa 1989. I will definitely be looking into Gregorian’s work at some point…the man made some very good points that are all the more poignant in our “Information Age” lives. In some ways, things were unfamiliar…I’ve never taken night classes or attended a college course on such an accelerated schedule before, but some aspects were utterly familiar to me. The white board, the tables arranged in rows with two chairs apiece, the notebooks, pens and book bags. I arrived on time, but was the last through the door and the 13th in the room, so I had to take a seat at the back of the room directly opposing the instructor’s table at the front of the room. What better place could there be!

There were no apples for the teacher, no pledge of allegiance, but that didn’t stop me from engaging in old school favorites like missing a homework assignment and misplacing my syllabus. Of course, I managed to stumble a bit out of the gate, as has been my habitual pattern since I first opened my eyes and unleashed my first shriek into this world. This is Erik in School and parts of it feel incredibly familiar. My good habits have gotten better with time and experience; I think faster on my feet than I ever did in my teens and felt much more comfortable engaging in the various discussions carried out throughout the night. Talking has never been a problem.

My Achilles heal has always been organization...which reminds me, the instructor (Miss Norcross, never Maam) has a torn Achilles tendon. Where I need my mind to be steady and solid, it has a tendency to jump and spurt from thought to thought, place to place. Subsequently, I left the first week’s reading materials and the class syllabus in my car, which would not be a problem were said conveyance not sitting at it’s second body shop, undergoing a fix to correct the work done at the first shop I used. I’ve left details of that saga off the blog and am far too bitter about the whole ordeal to chronicle it here, but if you have to know the details, drop me an email or catch me on AIM.

So then, my lack of organizational skills and attentiveness cost me the first essay assignment, as I missed it on the syllabus and simultaneously separated myself from the reading material needed. Not how I would have hoped to start things off, but then I was not particularly surprised. Luckily, this initial essay was a benchmark exercise rather than a graded assignment, so it will not count as points toward our class total

I was surprised at how quickly the night flew by. Class started at 5:30 and we were taking the half hour dinner break at 7:00 in what seemed like no time at all. Another ten minute break rushed up at 9:00 and we were on our way out of the door by 10:00. Maybe it was the lengthy and interesting discussion or the newness surrounding the entire experience, but it hardly seemed that nearly five hours had passed since I first walked through the classroom door.

The tempo of the class is going to be rapid and genuinely challenging. Several books and essays have to be completed in eight weeks, including a nine-page autobiography and a group project. Falling behind is not an option, so getting ahead of the course is my number one priority. Our primary objective is relearning how to author college level essays using the latest MLA guidelines for citation and structure. We will do this via papers geared toward self-exploration and reflection, which is right up my proverbial alley. I for one am looking forward to it…and I am already beginning work toward my next assignment. No more high school mistakes, I am way too old for that shit. :)

Posted by Erik @ 8/24/2006 09:24:00 AM :: (4) comments

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

I miss The Three Stooges

When I was middle and high school age, one of my morning rituals was The Three Stooges and The Beverly Hillbillies on TBS. Every weekday I would wake up, eat breakfast, get ready and leave the house with one of those two shows dancing on the light beams from the TV in our living room. There was something special about The Stooges’ simplistic stupidity that appeals to nearly every male I know. My dad loved them and would watch the various marathons, specials, etc that permeated superstation cable TV during the late 80s and on through the 90s. He watched, so I watched and the watching became a part of our mornings for four or five years.

Something about watching grown men getting jabbed, poked, stabbed, smashed, whacked and pulverized repeatedly without any obvious harm or injury never gets old. I, like every self-respecting human being on the planet, was a big fan of the Moe, Larry and Curly years. Shemp had his moments and he was way ahead of Curly Joe and Joe, but Curly was The Man. From “Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk” to the single-handed eye poke defense, Curly was an entertainment icon and his genius transcended generations. As far as I know, Curly is everyone’s favorite Stooge and his act is still legendary amongst males 25-75. The man was a comedy god on the level of Chaplin, as far as I’m concerned. Combined with Moe and Larry; the Curly’s Stooges crew was beyond The Marx Brothers in every way.

When you step back and look at our modern world, the viral video phenomenon would seem to be a direct descendant of The Stooges’ legacy. Moe, Larry and Curly taught us that watching people smash each other in the face with hammers, pipe wrenches and bricks was funny. YouTube and viral video only reaffirmed this conclusion, while adding the gritty authenticity that is created by the presence of real blood and legitimate pain. Once again, the only difference between now and then is the technology involved.

In other news, expect the beginning of my comic strip in the near future. While working on my little brother’s character image, I came to realize that I have a basic idea of how I want my three core characters to look, so there’s no need to get all of the faces in my head done until the time comes to include them in the strip somewhere. The general idea about where and when to start things has started to solidify as well. Some of the ideas of how to present and how literal to be are also floating around in my head, but are as yet undecided.

My buddies and I come up with some ridiculous hypotheticals, so I have quite a bit of material to draw on. We’ll see what makes it out and onto the web.

In school news, my books are ordered and should be here tomorrow. All that is left for me to do is acquire a laptop and get my study on. Classes start tomorrow night at 5:30…Jebus help me. :)

Posted by Erik @ 8/22/2006 12:47:00 PM :: (2) comments

Saturday, August 19, 2006

Getting reoriented

I finally had the opportunity to make my trek down to Eckerd for the orientation and campus tour. To say it was enjoyable would be an understatement! The campus itself is not the most impressive you will come across. The buildings are relatively modest, save the library which is the newest addition and subsequently the most architecturally modern. Unfortunately, there wasn't a lot of time to stop and take in the design's nuance and details, because we had a fairly tight schedule for the day.

The class buildings, auditoriums and dormitories are more modest than I had originally anticipated. Having never been on campus, I had no idea what to expect. The layout was fairly open, with lots of courtyard and field space. The buildings were connected and serviced primarily by open sidewalks. Colors were your ordinary neutrals and whites and the construction was more utilitarian than whimsical. That's not to say the campus itself isn't a pleasant place to be, my impression is that the place is relatively serene and low in human traffic, which is a huge plus. Being only minutes from the waterfront and beaches certainly doesn't hurt.

Things started with general intro and explanation sessions...what is expected of us, what we should expect of the university, that sort of thing. We then moved along and to the subjects like course structures, general curriculum and universally required classes were discussed at length. The theme of the day was value focused education, value meaning core values. The college's curriculum and philosophy is focused on building self exploration, value assessment and social perspective as a matter of course. Obviously, I totally soaked this aspect of the presentations up. After all, this aspect of their scholastic structure is what first drew me to the school and ultimately is what proved to be the deciding factor in my decision making process.

If everything said today is actually part of an Eckerd College education, I am going to love being a student there! The population is small, totalling only 1,750 full-time, "resident" students. Their PEL program has about 1,000 active registrants, one of which would be me, but not all of us are full-time. All things considered, Eckerd strikes me as a very small, very intimate college. With a total population of full-time students lower than the head count at my high school the year I graduated, there is a much greater focus on the individual student. Subsequently, the school carries a very illustrious academic reputation and sets high standards for itself.

My highlight of the day was traversing the campus itself on the way from building to building. For the first time in my life, I was on a full fledged college campus as a student (SPC was SPJC when I attended classes there). My awareness of this fact was not immediate, but eventually the fact began to seep in. I was a paying student, complete with ID card, an enrollment confirmation, parking pass and student webmail account. You can reach me here, if you prefer it to the regular link at right. ;)

Lunch was served at the cafeteria, which is accordingly small, but the food was excellent. The salad bar was stocked with plenty of real greenery and assorted vegetables. They even had Tofu and vegan sausages in the salad bar and on the breakfast buffet, respectively! Other options included hot meals, deli selections, cereals, fresh fruit, ice cream, etc. When the meal is over, your tray is loaded on a revolving conveyor belt, dishes and all, to be cleaned by some unseen magic behind the kitchen walls.

I did not get a chance to really explore the library, but I intend to get back down there from time to time for research purposes, so I will get to know the place well enough in time. After visiting and spending the day, I couldn't help but wonder what it would have been like to be a resident student out of high school, how much time I had spent idling through the years and how lucky the kids are who get to have this experience at just the right time in their lives. Of course, they see the world much differently than I do, but they'll learn in time...we all do.

Posted by Erik @ 8/19/2006 06:28:00 PM :: (4) comments

Thursday, August 17, 2006

Sometimes reality is more grand and wondrous than fiction

The story of the Hoyts is an old one. It has done the rounds on the internet, news channels, etc, but every once in a while I cross paths with it and never fail to be reminded of what an utter joke my problems and struggles have been.

If you aren't familiar with the story, click the video below. If you already know the story, don't let that keep you from watching it again. We need to hear stories like this one to remind us how great and beautiful people can be, especially in these increasingly ugly times.



Every time I encounter the Hoyt story I feel small and almost ashamed. I workout and train in several martial arts on a near constant basis, but we are only talking about 10 hours a week, maximum. Most people would say I am in reasonably good shape, but I am nowhere near the level Dick Hoyt is physically, and cannot even imagine how strong his son Rick must be mentally. There are times that I feel trapped by my body and its physical limitations. My joints ache, my focus falters and my inspiration wanes with no burden beyond myself and my daily routine. It is almost enough to make me feel embarrassed for ever complaining at all. The realization of how much potential I have wasted in my lifetime almost stings to consider.

When I am exposed to stories like that of the Hoyts, I am left in awe. There is a sense of majesty that radiates from the relationship this father and son have had through their years of competing together. My father and I are nowhere near as close and very likely never will be, despite the fact that we have both been perfectly healthy for most of our collective life together (Dad was diagnosed with diabetes over 10 years ago). Understanding that this sort of companionship, loyalty, drive and devotion is what truly defines love, I feel admiration and a sad sort of envy for the bond this father and son team has shared. Such a thing is so rare and special in this vacuous place, it is truly something to behold.

For full details and the latest news on Team Hoyt, check out their homepage.

Posted by Erik @ 8/17/2006 11:10:00 PM :: (0) comments

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

On becoming an uncle

Fatherhood seems less and less likely for me in this life, but uncledom is not too many months away. My brother Scott(aka 'Lil Bro) and his wife Laura(aka Sis-in-Law aka The SIL) are expecting twins, the due date being sometime in late January 2007. I couldn't be happier for them, as they have had more than their fair share of trials and tribulations in making this dream a reality.

With 'Lil Bro being overseas during 2003 and again in 2005, they haven't had a lot of time together in the past three and an half years. Thankfully, he is now in a non-deployable unit stationed in Fort Knox, Kentucky, which means no distractions or added stresses for either of them and everyone will be home for the duration. Perhaps things do happen for a reason.

The SIL is due the 23rd of January, which puts the babies' birthday right in the middle of the Super Bowl hype extravaganza. Hopefully there won't be any mid-party Super Bowl drama, though it would make an interesting story. It has been a long journey for the two of them and I sincerely hope(pray?) that everything is happy and healthy from this point forward.

Lil Bro and The SIL met while they were still in high school. We all worked for Publix Supermarkets at the time and if memory serves, the two of them originally met while working at the store. Don't quote me on that, but that's how I'm remembering things at the moment.

Anyway, a bunch of happy-happy-joy-joy later and they both had graduated high school. Around the time I was 20, which puts them both squarely in the 18 to 19 area, we moved into a nearby condo complex as roommates. My now infamous tolerance started there, as I christened the downstairs half bath with voluminous amounts of vomiting the night I commenced my 21st year of existence. It was the first of what would be many nights of drunken merriment in the confines of that little condominium.

Fast forward a couple of years and I had partied myself broke, Lil Bro and The SIL took another Eric(Sideshow) as a roommate and I moved back home to save money, dig out of debt and get my proverbial shit in order. Within two years my former roommates were married, had sold the condo and followed me home. They were in the process of finding a house to purchase when 9/11 changed everything.

My personal opinion is that Lil Bro was searching for direction and inspiration at the time. He found it in the form of military service and announced his intention to join the Army shortly after the horrors of 9/11 had started marching this country toward war. Needless to say, most of the family received the news a little less gracefully than one would have hoped. Regardless, everyone adjusted, Lil Bro enlisted and a year or so after boot camp, he was on his way to Iraq...Ramadi to be exact. That was March 2003. He came home safe and sound for Thanksgiving that year, complete with local news coverage of the fam at the airport and would return home, this time to Fort Carson, Colorado, in February 2004.

Obviously having children became a priority, as things were not calming down overseas and Lil Bro's regiment was in the deployment rotation. Alas, it was not to be and Lil Bro went back to the desert in early 2004 where he did another year of dirt duty, this time in Tal Afar. Things went very well there, with his regiment receiving several letters of thanks and recognition from the local Iraqi political representatives. He would once again come home safe and sound. That was approximately six months ago now, which is to say he and The SIL didn't waste any time getting down to the business of making babies.

Skip the boring details, and here we are in the present. Uncledom will suit me just fine, because I can't imagine there is anyone out there who would want to raise children with the likes of me and I have yet to find a woman I would dream of impregnating. I believe parenthood will be good to Lil Bro and The SIL, as they are more than ready. They've actually been married for 6 years this October, which is saying something in this day and age. They have a beautiful new home in Kentucky sitting on a solid acre of land...the sort of thing millionaires are made of here.

My preference? Nephews, of course! :D More important is that the babies and mom make it through in perfect health. So far, everyone has good reason to be optimistic and honestly, I am nothing short of stoked at the idea. Where 2006 has turned out to be a year of hard lessons learned, I am already hoping 2007 will be a year of positive karmic pay off for soldiering through the darkness. For Lil Bro and The SIL, it will be the most magical moment of their lives.

This is going to be fun. :)

Posted by Erik @ 8/16/2006 12:52:00 PM :: (7) comments

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

Some funny math from a mind on the brink

Fair warning: this post was made under the effects of prolonged stress compounded by the realization that the nightmare is not yet over. You have been warned.

I was listening to a little Tool this afternoon, waiting for some mainframe fun to wrap up when Salival came on. Salival was a special edition DVD/CD package Tool released prior to Lateralus hit the shelves. It is one of those items that is a fan-only compilation of live and cover tracks, with an extended "song" at the end. This final piece is something of an artistic statement on the absurd and dehumanizing nature of modern phone menus, but hidden at the very end is a track that runs to about 3 minutes known as Maynard's Dick. The lyrics go as follows:


It's all an open center
Opens up and lets the wind lift him away
It doesn't have to feel water
It's just a place that feels right with him
Kinda like the way you're breathing
I kinda like the way you keep looking away
Would you like to glide on
Slide a mile six inches at a time on Maynard's dick

There's a shyness found in reason
Apprehensive influence swallow away
You seem to feel abysmal take it
then you're careful grace for sure
Kinda like the way you're breathing
Kinda like the way you keep looking away
Would you like to climb on
Climb on my six inches and go down on Maynard's dick

Took you out in the back of the toolshed
Put it right on top of your forehead
Took you out in the back of the toolshed
Now you know what you're fuckin with...Maynard's dick!


If you're a female, think of all the sex you have or haven't had...now think of your vagina. How many miles of man meat have you put through that thing? If you're a guy, think of your girlfriend's love muffin. How many linear feet of penile piston pumping has that thing seen since it opened for business? How many miles of pleasure palace has your reel and tackle traveled? Comforting thoughts, aren't they? lol

So I began wondering, just how busy would one have to be to go 1 mile 6 inches at a time? For my purposes, I decided to count each thrust and withdrawal as a single, 0.5ft stroke, since we are not actually moving forward six inches in both directions. So, only being credited 6 inches per stroke, we're talking 2 strokes per foot travelled and a distance of 5,280 feet to cover, for a grand total of 10,560 pelvic gyrations to traverse 1 mile. Credit 12 inches(6 inches out, 6 inches back) per stroke and you're down to exactly 5,280 strokes, still a daunting number.

Of course, things get better or worse in terms of actual work needed, depending on the amount larger or smaller your penis happens to be. Then there are variables for depth of vagina, percent erection, actual depth of penetration per stroke, etc, but we're discarding all of that for the sake of theoretical science.

So then, let's say it takes 90, 6 inch strokes for the stroker or strokee to reach orgasm/climax/see God/etc. I've never actually counted, but it seems like a fairly generous number for someone who's been having regular sex for an extended period of time. Porn stars would chew up those miles much faster, but let's assume a healthy, experienced, average Joe/Jane has 90 such advances and retreats behind the cork before he/she pops. That would mean it would only take ~117 sexual encounters to get to the one mile mark. Cut that number in half if you're giving extra credit. Not too bad, if you're a 90 pump champ.

What happens if the male, or better yet the female, is a 2 pump chump/goddess, respectively? Things get a lot more demanding. Now the poor guy or the orgasmically gifted girl are looking at 5,280 sessions to hit the magic mile. If you credit each stroke as 12 inches, the poor couple is still looking at 2,640 coital encounters to get to the finishing stripe. A daunting task for any man who isn't a rock star, athlete or A-list actor and the girl would have to put in a little extra time as well.

Since masturbation does not count because the penis is effectively humping a bottomless tube (I don't do the sock thing), I'll leave you all wondering exactly how many miles I have put on the odometer. One reader might have a very good idea, but the rest of you can only wonder. I am in no way ashamed to say that my genitals have fewer miles on the clock than just about any non-virgin, 29-year old manjunk you're likely to come across. So, if any beautiful ladies are looking for a like-new, meticulously maintained male love unit and an athletic body behind it, your ship just came in baby. :D

Posted by Erik @ 8/15/2006 01:27:00 PM :: (5) comments

Monday, August 14, 2006

Just a quick update...

I'm not really in the mood to write one of my usual, long-winded brain dumps, so tonight it's just a quick update. The comic strip process is coming along nicely. I've got a couple more character sketches in the works and I'm making nice progress during the time I have available. All told, I'm feeling pretty optimistic. Manboy is up, if you want to check the Cast of Characters link at right.

Expect to see The Chancellor, The Brothers from Different Mothers and the Jersey Girlz soon. I'm low on time and high on inspiration, so we'll see how far I get and how fast. The good part about the slow progress is that it allows me a chance to start fleshing some things out in my head. I'm not promising you'll be amused or even entertained, but I do want to make my best go of it, so the little venture is getting some thought. With a great deal of luck, maybe I come up with something special. Wouldn't that be neato!

Posted by Erik @ 8/14/2006 10:25:00 PM :: (0) comments

Sunday, August 13, 2006

My tolerance, my cursed blessing

In the spirit of self exploration and discovery, I feel motivated to expound on my apparently undiminished tolerance for libations. One would think that my ability to absorb hard liquor would ebb a bit, given that I drink less often and less heavily than I did 6 or 7 years ago, but anecdotal evidence appears to indicate otherwise.

Last night I headed out with the Brothers From Different Mothers and the Jersey Girlz to celebrate the eldest sister's 30th birthday. Knowing that I would be drinking, I prepared myself a rather strong, wonderfully tall Crown and Coke before hitting the road. No, I did not have a single sip of this concoction until I was safely at the Jersey Girlz' apartment...I'm young enough to do stupid shit on occasion, but I am old enough to check myelf 99.9% of the time. This night was not one of the exceptions to self checkage.

That said, I downed the aforementioned cocktail post haste upon arrival at my desitination. We left without delay and I had finished the entire quadruple tall concoction by the time we got to Channelside. My timing was near perfect and all on an empty stomach. I figured to be buzzing myself away from the past week and into birthday mode in no time.

The decision was made to eat at Bennigan's, so Irish was the theme. Irish means Guinness and/or Black and Tans...I had one of each, which took some time because our waiter looked and acted like a plumped up Kevin Federline. He struck me as a guy who's been waiting tables for far too long, or maybe he was just an indifferent asshole. Regardless, we eventually got our food, drinks and got the feck out of dodge. Now it was time to get my brain swimming for sure!

We head over to Margarita Mama's and I find myself ordering a drink from Jess. Jess is the sort of bartender that feigns friendly, but oozes unjustifiably arrogant bitch. Sure enough, she gives me the big smile...is that a missing tooth? No, just a severely misaligned extra one tucked in behind two others...that was a close one. She shakes my hand with a wink, the sort you see all night when your buddies are blowing a couple fists of hundreds at Mons while you sit around analyzing the gaggle of emotionally destroyed, drug addicted whoredom all around you. I notice that she's got the tough girl who has seen it all act going, but she exudes an I-would-do-anything-and-everything-with-no-sense-of-dignity vibe.

She embodied the South Tampa slut stereotype...hip level tattoo of indiscernible subject matter, bleach blonde hair, hip hugger shorts, tank top, lots of attitude, etc. The sort of girl who has probably seen more penis than an urinal and would tell you so with a self-satisfied smirk on her face. Some guys would dig that, but I was bored with her in about five minutes.

So I order my first Crown on the rocks as everyone starts to settle in around the bar. We're joking about the bouncer, who looks like a bald barbarian. I'm oggling the feminine fare and going through drink number one pretty rapidly. Time for a reload and this time it's a double of the same. Start in on that one with some energy, as I'm not yet feeling the effects, but still very much wanting to. A few more people arrive and our little troop has taken over a spot at the bar. Time for drink number three and what would be the last for night. It's a single this time and I have to go through it pretty rapidly, because 30-year old birthday girl, aka Granmammy, is feeling the effects of a kidney infection and is itching to leave.

I guzzle my drink, wait 20 minutes for my tab, because Jess' machine started having problems at exactly the moment it was time to cash me out. She makes the expected show of it, waving her arms, rolling her eyes, spewing profanity and I just sit there doing my best to mimic concern. Meanwhile, some height-impaired, bepectacled drunk is threatening one of the Brothers, Mopario, with his shoe. Mopario is no giant, but he had this guy covered on age, size and available backup, so the would-be shoe assailant thinks better of it just prior to being rounded up by one of his buddies.

The night was relatively uneventful, Granmammy was not feeling well and it was time for the ride back to Jersey Girlz central. We arrive in what seems like no time and Granmammy is off to bed while her younger sister KrazieXO and Mopario head out to BBC's in search of a DVD to finish the evening with. Before making my own exit, I decorate a crucifix and various other items in the apartment with some plastic monkeys I found in their kitchen. Everyone says their good nights and I headed off into the humity.

We were probably out for a total of three, maybe four hours. I had consumed what amounted to a half bottle of whiskey (including my warm-up cocktail) and two pints of the finest beers on Earth. I would have hoped to at least get a strong buzz, if not outright drunk, but alas it was not to be. I'm becoming famous for my ability to consume copious amounts of liquor with little or no obvious effects and I'm not sure how proud I should be of that.

Posted by Erik @ 8/13/2006 10:20:00 AM :: (0) comments

Friday, August 11, 2006

Time for a break: Bikinis, god bless 'em!

I'm a fairly polite, respectful, some would even say shy guy. That's all fine and good, but even I am not so uptight that an image of a girl running around in a transparent-when-wet bikini doesn't get my attention. I am human, after all. Make no mistake, I would much rather see the pre-anorexic Jessice Alba out in the suit pictured here than anyone in the aforementioned bathing suit. Anyway, let me get on with the point of this post...

I love bikinis. Just enough fabric to cover the naughty bits, at least that's the idea, but simultaneously very revealing. There is just something so perfect about an athletic woman in a bikini soaking up sun at the beach. No matter how much self control I have or how uptight I may seem to be, when it comes right down to it, I am still a man and given my love for the beach, it is only natural that my affections for the bikini come right along with the package.

The key for me is being tasteful. Jessica Alba's bathing suit is tasteful and restrained and its sexiness is only enhanced because of this. See through thong reeks of eau de heavily-used-pornwhore. Jessica Alba would get to meet mom and dad...porn girl would be dismissed as a piece of eye candy in need of too much attention, after the initial shock and titillation wore off, of course. I'm all about tastefully done classics rather than "look at me" nipple covers paired with a triangle of fabric just large enough to hide a folded post-it note.

A good two piece can look classy and conservative or seductive and sexy. It's all in the cut, how women carry it off and how they carry themselves. As a life long attendee of the beach, I like to think I have a fairly strong idea of what looks good and what doesn't. The same gorgeous woman can look like a goddess or a $2 streetwalker, depending on the bikini and her demeanor. Sometimes, all it takes is a few square inches of fabric, but the difference is incalcuable once it hits the beach.

And it's not all about stereotypical beauty, because a confident girl paired with the right bikini can more than make up for any supposed shortcomings in her physicality. said, it's all about how it's carried off and how she carries herself.

It is very possible for a woman to look more seductive and alluring in a bikini than in her bare skin. In fact, if we're talking photography and imagery here, not real in the flesh women, I actually prefer the beach or elegant night out looks, because they can give the impression of confidence without getting close to being full blown slut. That is the best of both worlds! I love classy, confident women and have no interest in pro bono prostitutes. After all, who wants a well used Ferrari when you might be able to get your hands on a hardly touched 911? I love car metaphors.

In the end, it is confidence and attitude that plays the biggest role in determining genuine attractiveness for me. Just about every woman I've ever dated or wished I could date was physically attractive to me, but also carried herself in a sure or confident way. It takes confidence to wear a bikini the same way it takes confidence to be good company on a night out or in a good conversation. Pair up those traits with the visual appeal of a few strands of fabric holding together reasonably sized triangles of synthetic cloth and you've got a recipe for removing me from monk mode. LOL

Posted by Erik @ 8/11/2006 08:25:00 PM :: (2) comments

Thursday, August 10, 2006

That gorilla goodness

Why can't people be inherently good? I mean, how much better would things be if our species were intrinsically, instinctually linked to being good to ourselves and each other? Some might say it would be boring or monotonous, but I say not so. We would still have all the good the world has to offer, including good times, but the bad, the unpleasant and the undesirable would be reduced or eliminatd altogether in our interactions.

Think about it. People could trust, could go on faith and make real progress together. Isn't that what we all want, deep in the pit of our subconscious gut?

There would be tragedies and horrors, so the news would still have something to sell advertising with and there would be no shortage of suffering, as not everything ill in the world is the result of Man's interference. Being good to one another wouldn't eliminate hardship, but it would make hardship increasingly more manageable. Society would simply coalesce and flow together.

Why can't we have that? Why are we denied such an experience? What lesson are we supposed to be learning? The mystics would say that there is no light without dark, no joy without sadness, no smile without a frown, but the mystics have always sought to detach themselves from all such things in search of a higher understanding, which is to say that the only things that they deem necessary are numbness and disassociation.

I have no interest in being numb. I want to live and learn and know what it means to truly be alive. You can't know a thing if you are numb and indifferent to it. This is why I struggle and fret over the things most people have little interest in. When I say that I am better off alone, it is because the real togetherness I seek, that I think we all seek, is almost impossible to find in a world where people are not inherently good. In reality, I believe it has always been something precious and rare, because I believe there has not ever been a time where a majority of people were focused on being good to one another. Pursuing that bond under these circumstances is more a journey uphill over jagged stones covered in slippery algae than it is an ascension of a staircase leading to a new understanding.

Having one's guard up is a natural reaction in the world in which we live. Look at what people do to themselves and one another. How could it be any different? What choice do we have? Is it any real surprise that human relationships have become what they are? For that matter, is what they have become anything new?

In my mind, they're a circuitous exploration of the same old, tired behaviors. Flirtation, infatuation, lusting, fucking, fighting, forgiving, fucking some more, fighting some more and on and on. So few alternative examples come to mind that I am led to believing this is the norm. Games, manipulations and the like are cliches for a reason!

But we press on, at least most of us do. We find a way. Our emotional sacrifices are made on the altar of Hope and our days pass through the space-time continuum infinitum. A scant few of us find that elusive diamond in a stack of kubic zirconias. Even the most independent and strong-willed amongst us can hear the whisperings of longing from time to time and it frustrates, inspires and angers all at once, because on some level many of us no longer truly believe that thing we long for is real. It has become a myth...a legend we're told to fill our heads up with hopes and aspirations...and maybe to plant the seeds of possibility.

So why can't we simplify the whole process? Why can't we be inherently good, or at least intentionally good, to one another? At least then we could have trust and faith in something beyond ourselves and those closest to us(for those of us with the luxury of trust at all). What the hell will it take for people to realize just how stuffed up with bullshit most of our heads are? From the value of money and power to the meaning of love, we have been and continue to be at sea. Am I the only one disgusted with and tired of it? Am I really the only one who is pissed off by the same old song being retold in pretty, new and more technologically advanced packaging?

Of course not, everyone is tired of it. Everyone has had enough, or claims to be having enough, but we're not doing anything about it, so it's all so much pissing in the wind. In my own defense, I have tried very hard to be that change I want to see, but even I falter. There have been times that I questioned my own goodness and I came to realize that none of us are inherently good. We are instinctually and logically selfish, but good has to be learned and refreshed. It starts in infancy and carries with us all to some degree right up until our final exhale.

Much of this is stemming from me currently paying the price for losing my own control, but I feel as if I am paying fair penance and then some. I didn't run from this thing, didn't deny my responsibility and haven't tried to remove myself from guilt, but it is still here lingering...the 600lb gorilla in the room. My attempts to corner the bastard and wrestle him to the ground have so far failed, but like the cynically hopeless idealist that I am, I keep locking into the clench and trying again on faith that eventually this particular gorilla will get tired and get knocked the fuck out. So far, he's winning and hitting below the belt for good measure. Maybe it's time for me to crash and try again tomorrow...

Posted by Erik @ 8/10/2006 10:47:00 PM :: (4) comments

Wednesday, August 09, 2006

Darth Vader and troubled times as an hermaphrodite

This literally had me laughing out loud. I love Darth Vader...the Star Wars/The Empire Strikes Back/Return of the Jedi Darth Vader. Anakin Skywalker as written and portrayed in the second trilogy couldn't have been more disappointing. As for the REAL Darth Vader, I would have thought even more highly of the character had he pulled something like this in the original flicks. Merciless, ruthless AND a jackass? What more could you ask for?

Clicky Me

While we're talking funny, I thought of something mildly amusing today. We had a conversation at the office involving a former coworker who had come down to talk with us about her father, who had recently been diagnosed with cancer. The Boss, Manboy and I all gathered around and offered our support. These sorts of things are awkward for me, I have to admit it, but The Boss and Manboy handled themselves perfectly. Hugs were exchanged, words of support were spoken and some tears were shed. At one point, I thought little MB was about to tear up! It was actually a very touching moment. I felt totally sympathetic, but wanted to say something to lighten the mood before everyone got too down. Once things had gotten to the point where conversation seemed appropriate, it went something like this...

Me: "You know, you could give Manboy a swift kick in the groin. That always makes me feel better when I'm down."
(Manboy assumes "the position", legs apart, bracing for the blow)
Everyone chuckles
Former Coworker: "I couldn't do that, he's a man, he might need those."
Me: "Don't worry, he's only half a man, so it's not a problem."
Manboy: "I'm also half a woman. My parents had to make a choice!" in a mocked sob.
Me: "It's a terrible thing...a genetic mishap. What a shame."
More chuckles, I pretend to be loading up for a kick
Me: "Only in our group can you come down looking for hugs and get hermaphrodites."

It might not seem funny to you, but it got everyone laughing at the time and genuinely appeared to help ease our troubled former teammate's burden a bit, if only for a moment. Sometimes that's all we need. Eventually we all parted ways and went back to the business at hand, but that is the sort of conversation that springs up when you get our little triumvirate gathered around. Hopefully I will be able to capture and amplify that sort of randomness in my comic strip. If I can, I am sure of one thing, I will be laughing and in the end, that's all that really matters.

Posted by Erik @ 8/09/2006 09:16:00 PM :: (0) comments

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

Life singularly

Some of us are built and bred to be alone. Before you start thinking, "Oh no, here comes some sort of emo rant and whine session", stop...it's not that kind of thing at all. This is more of an exploration as a means to explanation and perhaps a source of insight into my thought processes.

There are those amongst us, the majority I suppose, that feel being in a relationship is the normal, healthy goal for any of us. They would tell you that single people are lonely, incomplete or somehow inferior, because that is their experience of being "single". They would suggest that someone arguing an alternative is likely in denial or being less than honest, because their experiences with being single are unpleasant or uncomfortable. Regardless, I take the position that you can in fact be happily alone.

I have very limited relationship experience, as I have typically chosen to stand outside and look in, watching the rest of humanity go about their business. In many ways I am utterly average and common, but in this particular way I stand aside much of the norm. It has been an educational experience and while I admit to its faults, I still believe the argument that much can be learned through observation is still a valid one, even where life experience is concerned.

An overwhelming number of my breaths in this life have been processed as a single person. Single is my normal. Single is my known quantity, my basis for consistency and my frame of reference. I have been single so long that relationships are becoming more and more alien to me. Given the abnormal nature of such a viewpoint, I am inclined to believe that there is a reason for this beyond simple denial or self-delusion.

Perhaps it is the fact that single is safe and controllable and consistent, as I have experienced it. There are fewer variables, distractions and inconsistencies. When I am alone, my routine is an asset, rather than an obstacle. With so many questions surrounding life and its intricacies dancing through my head at any given time, that sort of stability and congruence is highly desirable. I literally depend on it for a sense of solidity.

And sure, for most the idea of having someone there to share their days with is appealing or even essential, but for me it has always seemed to be something of an improbable reality. Subsequently, my dreams and aspirations have always more or less revolved around living and being alone. When I dream of retirement, I envision myself alone on a beach, drink in hand, enjoying the peace of sunset amidst the sound of rolling waves and the cool sea breezes.

I want to write, to draw, to take long moments of silence for quiet reflection. Children, grandchildren and the like rarely if ever factor into my thinking. My first inclination has always been to let "the others" repopulate the Earth. They seem to have it all figured out, after all, so let them have at it.

The idea that I haven't "met the right girl" is always being suggested, but then who is to say I ever will? I can't be sure in the least and at present I am unmotivated to pursue anyone, so the question is effectively irrelevant. The general standards of behavior make no sense to me and I have stopped trying to reconcile where I stand with where it appears I should be.

I am not a realist where relationships are concerned and I must admit that I do not desire to be. The gratifcation gained from holding on to an ideal is more pleasing than the idea and sacrifices of compromise. Something in my brain must be wired differently, because I genuinely seem to be incapable of approaching normal on this one.

Of course, it's possible that I could be making a terrible mistake and that one day I will regret not having done more with more people. There's no telling until the time has passed, but looking at the lives of people I admire, I'm fairly confident that it is better to hold onto your beliefs rather than compromise and give into "reality". Do this honestly and conistently and regret becomes a non-issue, because you can look back with the knowledge that you walked the walk, despite it being difficult or abnormal thing to do.

For the time being I am convinced this is the right choice for me, but make no claims that this is a position for everyone. I recognize the fact that we evolve and change as the years work us over, but for the time being, my mind is set and my vision is clear. As I breath now, I belong by myself, for better or worse, come what may.

Posted by Erik @ 8/08/2006 11:16:00 PM :: (2) comments

Monday, August 07, 2006

I've got a couple ideas

The first involves a web-based comic strip. Currently I'm working on characters and background, but the characters themselves are coming together pretty quickly. Most of them will be loosely based on myself, friends, family and the like, but I don't like the idea of making it an autobiographical thing, primarily because I'm just too damn boring to make it viable. lol

I grew up reading and mimicking the artwork in mainstream strips like Mother Goose and Grimm, Calvin and Hobbes, The Far Side and the like. At the same time, I was reading comic books by the ton, mostly X-Men, Amazing Spider-man and other Marvel stuff, though Batman was always a favorite from DC and the Aliens series from Dark Horse kicked serious ass. Keep an eye out and when the time comes, please don't be shy about sharing your opinion.

I'm thinking the first comics are at least a couple of weeks out, as I am still working out the look and feel. With any luck it will actually be funny and something people will want to read. At worst, it will be good practice. We'll see how things develop...

Fair warning: If you're not into cars or judgmental of those who are, read no further, because things are about get excruciatingly boring for you. :)

I'm also brainstorming my next car project. The Brothers by Different Mothers have sold me on the idea of doing a carbureted C5 Corvette as my next project car. Started looking around online last night and Bryan turned me on to Scott Shafiroff's motor packages, one of which is a 472 cubic inch small block V8 running 10.5:1, making 635hp on 93 octane pump gas.

Needless to say, that would be more than enough power to reach my goal of building a car that makes over 500hp at the wheels. On top of all that, the motor goes for $11,750 plus options, which is cheap money for something on that power level. Throw in another $900 for the 850/950 Holley carb with it's associated extras and you're talking ~655hp from a NA small block that runs pump petrol!! All of this comes balanced, blueprinted, dynoed and assembled to your door. This particular motor should almost literally plug right into a C5's engine bay. Nothing in the aftermarket is ever plug-n-play, but going with a small block simplifies the install.

Those sorts of numbers from that size motor makes my twig and berries tingle! The car would not be a daily driver, but it would be an occasional commuter and weekend toy. The idea of going carbed-big-displacement-small-block in a fifth gen Vette also strikes me as super cool, because it throws out all of the potential electronic gremlins and incredible expense of an EFI setup, uses the stock mount layout and makes gigantamus power. On top of all that, it would be something of an insult to the Corvette elitists who mistakenly believe their cars are somehow inherently superior or special.

Anyway, it's all pipedreams at this stage. With school starting up, my salary effectively stagnant in real dollars and the unpredictable nature of real life, the next project might have to wait years, but it never hurts to plan ahead. :)

Posted by Erik @ 8/07/2006 10:39:00 PM :: (0) comments

Sunday, August 06, 2006

Just another day in paradise

In every way, today was just another mid-Summer Sunday afternoon in Florida. Hot, humid, sunny and slow, but I'll be damned if that could stop me from having an extended "life is good" moment. As usual, this revelation came to me during a solo trip to the beach. Honeymoon Island was relatively busy, the sand packed by families and their assorted paraphernalia...multi-colored beach towels, coolers full of sugar crack snacks and drinks, beach umbrellas, plastic shovels, buckets, etc, etc.

The usual beach soundtrack provided the ambience...seagulls babbling at one another, kids laughing, a steady breeze, boats and jet skis in the distance, the rhythmic roll of breakers on the shore. My radio was tuned to 98Rock and I was starting a book Flash recommended called Gates of Fire. In short, I was in my own audio/visual world, sucking up the sun and sweating out some stress, but none of that was unusual.

When the realization hit me, I was walking the sandbar that runs the length of Honeymoon's beach, as the tide had just went out. This creates a shallows on one side and a subtly graded break point on the other. As those mini-breakers rolled in, they made the idealized, steady whisper only waves cresting into the shoreline can and it suddenly occurred to me just how utterly peaceful everything seemed to be. There were no people arguing, no one jockeying for space or going anywhere in a hurry. The breeze made the mid-afternoon sun seem less oppressive, the water was clear, the air clean and the whole scene seemed like something out of a "Hello from Florida" postcard. In a way, I was taking it all in as if I were a tourist, since I was a stranger to everyone there.

It was a totally serene situation...all for a few bucks parking and a few miles on the road. I mean seriously, what more could any of us hope for?! If it weren't for little annoyances like skin cancer, food, shelter and money, I would drop everything and live in a tent on the sand. I would be like an ancient sheik, complete with a stable of camels, an entourage to do my bidding and a harem of exotically gorgeous women. The Bay would be my heavenly oasis and Honeymoon Island my mythical kingdom. This would be my Walden Two! Why didn't I think of this before? Oh, that's right...I do...just about every time I get to the beach.

I think it's time I get it over with and start my own religion. It could be like Scientology, sans the aliens, membership fees and body scanning equipment. Our church would be the shoreline and the only requirements for membership would be a towel and sunscreen. Judgment, damnation and original sin would all be non-starters, of course. Our commandments would read something like "Thy must chilleth out" and "Thou must haveth a good time". Traditional dress would consist of bathing suits and string bikinis. Our hymns could be instrumental island music and our car trunk icon would be the outline of a palm tree, since someone else already nabbed the fish. Our prophets could be dreadlocked rastafarians, bouncing beach Betties and the Australian Gold koala bear! Everyone would be beautiful and happy and perfectly tanned!

Think of the possiblities!! We could end world hunger, manifest world peace and unite all the world's peoples under The Infinite and Eternal Beach Umbrella of Bliss! I could be the son of some god, complete with super powers and a really cool hair/beard combination that drives all the ladies wild. There would be surfing and sunning and good-natured debauchery for all! In short, life would be a 60s beach movie minus the bad hair and a lot of cheesy dialog!! I ask you, would this not be Heaven on Earth??

This has to happen...who's with me?

Posted by Erik @ 8/06/2006 11:03:00 PM :: (0) comments

Saturday, August 05, 2006

Utopias

The Ex let me borrow her copy of Walden Two by B.F. Skinner recently and I made my way through it over the past few days. Interesting book...not necessarily new material nor ideas, but then it was originally printed nearly 60 yaers ago. What is most interesting is the overarching sense of optimism one can read between the lines as the story unfolds. It is obvious by the end of the first few chapters that Skinner is a fan of his imagined subject matter.

And honestly, why not? Why not pursue Utopia in a rational, organized and directed manner? Humanity has been claiming to be traveling that road for nearly 3500 years and more, but honestly how close are we to a world of peace, joy and togetherness? How close are we to getting the species together under a singular vision? Not close at all, when you look at the world objectively.

So why not entertain dreams and new ideas. Obviously the book is a work of fiction and a brief one at that, but its ideas are attractive and I would imagine it provokes some thoughts about possibilities amongst most people who read it. If my guess is right, that in and of itself is a beautiful thing.

While there are some liberties taken and Skinner oversimplifies the process of setting up an idealized, utopian social experiment, the story helps to reassure people of a similar mindset that they are not alone on this rock. Fifty-plus years after its original publication, many of the concerns and criticisms of general society are still applicable, which is telling considering the technological progress that has been made in the meantime.

We are no closer now than we were then, and then was only a few years after the end of World War II. I am in no way saying that the book lays out a road map, but it does beg the question, don't we owe it to ourselves to try something different? If not in a general sense, than in our lives specifically, as individuals? My answer is and has been an overwhelming "yes" in many important ways through the years. I'm not free of society's entanglements, not by a long shot, but I do try to be original and/or objective in how I deal with them.

Maybe that's all we can do...

Posted by Erik @ 8/05/2006 07:38:00 PM :: (0) comments

Pass around girls

Remember the pass-around-girls? You know the type...that pretty girl who dated that guy you knew and subsequently slept with most of his buddies, family members, acquaintances, classmates, etc. Maybe you dated her at some point. If you did, you and your buddies probably consider yourselves lucky to have escaped without contracting a parasitic life partner...or maybe your luck ran out. Regardless, I was chatting with the sladenator about it and figured what better way to inject a little less seriousness into what has been a string of somber posts than a trip down memory lane!

Ah, pass-around-girls. That girl everyone wanted to sleep with when they first entered high school and most will eventually sleep with by graduation. A few got knocked up before senior year, most made it to the diploma march with only a scare or two. All became the stuff of high school myth or legend. Imagining what some of these girls must have moved onto in college is the stuff great pornography is made of!

My buddies all have a pass-around-girl or two they can remember by name from high school. I was a little more anti-everything at that age, so the names escape me, but I do remember faces! And every once in a great while, I'll cross paths with one. When I do, it starts with the usual doubletake and a laugh, because inevitably she's pushing a stroller or walking hand-in-hand with some smiling goofball who is probably her husband, or soon will be.

And I can't help but think, "if you only knew what mommy/wifey/girlfriend was up to in high school!"

Seriously, some of those girls had histories that read like voter rolls! And now, considering my age, a majority of them are probably mothers. When that thought hits, the funny stops. Sure, some of them may have grown out of it, found God, found some self-respect or simply became too haggard to maintain their teenaged pace, but somewhere inside, underneath the expanding hips, growing jowls and sagging glutes is the pass-around-girl, complete with all those glorious memories. All the proud recollections of sleeping with Bobby, his friend Ricky, their friend Frank and so on and so forth, until they had run out of friends or birth control, whichever came first(pardon the sideways pun)!

But it's all good, clean, wholesome fun. In this regard, I am completely unenlightened. I had seen and even experienced some of the mechanics by 8 or 9. By the time it was time to talk birds and bees, I already knew the bascis of ass sex, tag teaming and more than a few other things that are unmentionable in polite company on a purely academic level.

So watching the pass-around-girls get passed around was more amusing than disheartening to me then. Besides all that, there is no arguing that I am most definitely unenlightened when it comes to society's attitude toward sex and thus find myself always on the outside looking in, usually being judgmental and completely devoid of understanding. It all comes down to perspective, I suppose. The pass-around-girl probably sees herself as sexually enlightened or even empowered. Where I see weakness, she sees strength. Where I imagine baggage, she imagines wings. Such is the beauty of life! Viva la promiscuous revolucion! :)

Understand that I'm not saying this makes anyone "bad" people. Bad people hurt or exploit others. These girls are more of the self-destruct variety, which is sad in a way, but then I always struggle to feel sorry for those who implode or suffer willfully. Our only hope is that they really do turn it around, but then I'm sure there are a large number of I-got-next guys that would be bitterly disappointed if their female coconspirators in the enlightened, sexual revolution disappeared. But that's a rant for another day.

Posted by Erik @ 8/05/2006 02:00:00 AM :: (2) comments

Friday, August 04, 2006

Ruining a good thing

When I started in with The Company, it was privately owned, very profitable and had long been the most powerful force in its marketplace. Most of the employees I knew were at least satisfied with their work and numerous people had been working here for decades. Entire families were employed here, with parents spending so many years here that they sometimes had the opportunity to work with their children. We had Christmas parties and regular departmental gatherings. Morale was by and large very high. Every business has its malcontents and the environment wasn't perfect, but generally the mood was good. Of course, our high profitability reports and strong market position made us an attractive target of acquisition. Eventually a Dutch media conglomerate started the buy process and ultimately completed the acquisition in 2001.

Everyone knows that executives are by and large greedy, shortsighted, cynical leeches. Generally speaking, a vast majority of them contribute little of real value to a corporation, so they try new management styles and trendy strategies as a means to justify their jobs. Often times, they are responsible for much of the strife we modern, upwardly mobile drones are forced to deal with. For every great CEO or executive, there are a million inadequate or inconsequential contemporaries doing a substandard job of guiding their companies through the mass marketed mess that is modern business. In many ways, I think we had been cursed with more than our fair share of such executives.

Our parent company's former CEO became a bit acquisition happy, so he was eventually stifled and then forced out by the Board of Directors. During his tenure, salary increasese went from around 5% to the current cap of 2%. Granted, that is not very unusual in this age of outsourcing, downsizing, book cooking and stock options, but for those who aren't paying attention, 2% does not even come close to matching the annual rate of inflation, forget about cost of living. Essentially we have been getting pay increases each year that leave us making less, in real dollars, than we did the year before and that is assuming you were getting reviews on or above target.

Not only did salary increases become something of a joke, but the various company functions effectively ceased altogether. Benefit cuts came into existence for the first time in years, culiminating most recently with the complete cessation of pension contributions. Instead of a 3% contribution to a pension fund, a 1% contribution will be made to our 401k. If you do not have a 401k, one will be provided for you. You have the right to remain powerless. Anything you say can and will be used against you in interoffice politics...sorry, I got off on a tangent.

But that is not the entire story. They also instituted a very clever salary structure called "broadbanding". This was a new salary construct that saw grades replaced by tiers or "bands". Instead of moving up a pay grade, you now move laterally through a band. Eventually, if you get enough promotions, you are put into a new band, but broadbanding allows for extended "growth in place", which is a nice way of spinning the idea that you could start in one band and effectively work within the salary limits of that band for your entire career, should you not be the motivated type.

That in and of itself does not bother me, but here's the rub: all they really did was lower the minimums and raise the maximums for any given position, which means you get less when you move up and theoretically could languish in the same pay bracket for years before receiving a promotion, piling up inconsequential, 2% pay increases the entire time. It was a blatant and obvious move to limit salary obligations and the potential for salaried workers to increase their pay. My personal experience has been farcical. With capped increases, which I exceeded each review period because of high performance reviews, I am STILL not making the minimum salary of my previous position, prior to the institution of broadbanding. Worse still, had I been promoted 6 months earlier, I would have made $6k/year more than I did at the time of my promotion. Needless to say, I was not pleased and lately things have only gotten worse.

So then, witness one of the primary reasons I am returning to school and seeking a degree in fields I am actually interested in. Where once I would have been happy to spend my career here, I now find myself thinking that 9 or 10 years (I will have 7 years in this November) will be enough. The key is acquiring the skills and knowledge necessary to move on and into a better situation, rather than leave for more of the same elsewhere. I'm hoping that Eckerd will not only provide me an opportunity for higher education, but also a chance to network and establish new connections in the local business community. In the end, that's half the battle. Only time will tell, but I find myself more and more optimistic as things move along.

For the time being, I've got to get back to work. :)

Posted by Erik @ 8/04/2006 07:58:00 AM :: (0) comments

Thursday, August 03, 2006

Our government will die like a washed up rock star

The official, audited government accounting report has been released and it isn’t pretty. In real world numbers generated by government accountants under the same rules every corporation in America is forced to abide by, this “small” Republican government ran a $3,500,000,000,000 deficit in 2005. That’s $3.5 trillion dollars of deficit…in a single year…by a government that ran on the promise of shrinking government and more controlled spending practices. This USA Today article has the details, directly from the government’s mouth.

Most frightening is that $3.5T is not the worst of it! In 2004 the government posted a $11T deficit and in 2000 the deficit would have been $12.7T!!! Both of those numbers are greater than the entire US economy today. And those are numbers generated under standard accounting rules every company with revenue of $1M or more must abide by. The government, on the other hand, has no such obligation.
Even the surpluses of Slick Willy’s regime disappear into hundreds of millions in deficit dollars under standard accounting practices, but none of that compares to the George W Bush administration’s astronomically negative numbers. Of course, they oppose including Medicare and Social Security in the official audited report, which is why they report losses of “only” $318B for fiscal year 2005. Their explanation: Medicare and Social Security are not legally binding expenses, since Congress could vote to abolish both programs at any time. The fact that such a move would very likely instigate a revolt means nothing, because they are effectively banking on being able to do whatever they want.

In reality, the abolition of Medicare and Social Security would bring about a gutting of Congress like none we have seen before. Take away programs Americans have come to rely on and you would see swift and decisive retribution from the voting public. Only an imbecile (hello Mr. President) would suggest that we can simply discard Social Security and Medicare without severe repercussions. With no viable alternative available to most Americans, these programs are a lifeline for many people of the middle and lower classes. And with the average middle class American salary declining in real dollars each year, expecting Americans to generate enough capital on their own for a safe and sustained retirement is becoming increasingly difficult.

This is all the result of a false libertarian approach to government, but that should seem obvious by now. They brought in the tax cuts, which are fine and good for all of us, though the debate rages on where who really benefited is concerned. Where these corporate apologists and nation building lunatics got it wrong was the continual increase in spending. Most distressing of all, no one is holding them accountable. With the establishment of long-term basing rights that was the Iraq War, Republicans in Congress and the White House have gone spend crazy. The latest weekly cost numbers out of Iraq and insane and unsustainable, yet the beat goes on and no massive troop withdrawal seems imminent.

The worst part is, we should have seen this coming. Paul Wolfowitz’ 1993 document re:US strategy in the Middle East laid out the overthrow of Saddam Hussein and the establishment of a new projection of power by the US into the Middle East. Members of The Project for the New American Century (PNAC) demanded that Bill Clinton finish what Bush I started in Iraq over ten years ago. When he didn’t, they focused their energies on think tanking what would become the “Bush Doctrine” of preemption and nation building, with a bent toward long-term occupation.

All of this is recorded, historical fact and our current deficits are due in no small part to this power lust mentality. Look at the signatories listed on the PNAC’s charter. Do a little research. Again, get involved and get educated about the behavior of the organizations and institutions which now dictate policy to the government. The writing has been on the wall for years, but Americans, in their laziness, have refused to turn and read it. Now our government finds itself fighting multi-front wars we can’t afford, supporting social programs that have grown out of control all the while cutting income in the name of buying voter loyalty. It’s an impossible situation that cannot be sustained long-term without something falling apart.

Grover Norquist was once quoted as saying that he would like to shrink government to the point that one could, “drown it in a bathtub.” If things continue on as they have, the bathtub won’t be necessary. The government will very likely die on the toilet with its pants around its ankles, a dilapidated, broken shell of former greatness, like a monolithic Elvis. Viva Las Vegas, baby!

Posted by Erik @ 8/03/2006 09:29:00 AM :: (0) comments

Wednesday, August 02, 2006

Mel Gibson, asshat extraordinaire...I want my social revolution NOW

By now everyone has heard, read or written about Mel Gibson, so I figured I would at least give mention in my own blog. Let me just say this, I've been drunk, staggeringly, drooling, near dead drunk and never have I said anything that wasn't floating around inside my head somewhere. Thoughts do not spontaneously materialize, ESPECIALLY when you're inebriated. You get loose lips, toss aside your inhibitions, start speaking at the speed of thought, all of this sans any interference from your censorship chip, but you don't come out with completely random thoughts you don't believe in. The man's got problems with Jews and I think it's pretty obvious at this point, but feck him and his triviality! I'm sure we've all had enough of the Mel Gibson mini-soap opera by now. With any luck he'll be shunned and fade into obscurity with his millions and his born-again "exuberace".

What's really on my mind is the social construct and how badly I would like to see change. I got my copy of V for Vendetta today and my mind is on breaking down the apathy that modern society seems to ooze from hundreds of millions of open sores. We have our power, our money, our relative security and apparent stability, but we no longer seem to have a dream.

And isn't that ultimately the problem? Doesn't every great person and every great people need a dream? It should be a big and grandiose thing, something to inspire and provide a point of focus toward which a people feel compelled to move. Hence the reason I am so fond of the protaganist in V and his singular sense of purpose. I won't ruin the movie for anyone who hasn't seen it, but suffice it to say that I think it is well worth watching.

But what of the dreamers? What of the constantly maligned, marginalized and malcontented idealists that find themselves perpetually shaking their heads. In a world where Mel Gibson's drunken meltdown is the only thing that can knock the troubling rocket trading going on in Lebanon and Israel from the news for more than a few minutes, it is difficult to be an idealist. It is tiring to hold out for a desired end when so few people seem to have any interest in it.

I'm not talking about tearing it all to shreds or bringing the whole circus down; that's too much, pushing things too far, taking too large a step back on the enormous risk that we might take two gigantic steps forward. What I am talking about is bottom up reformation. Like all revolutions, this one would start with the people, but this one could be bloodless and free of violence.

People have been talking about this since the dawn of intellectual thought, asking for it since the first social revolutions eons ago, and putting it off since a few brave Americans first realized that declaring themselves the founders of a new nation was the necessary course of their respective existences. What we need is a return to the hunt for the original dream, a return to what is truly important. We need to find our way back to the path of idealism once again, because where we are is absolutely not on that path.

Think about it. The distractions, the laziness, the lack of imagination, vision, motivation...I think most people would agree that these things are very much pervading components of modern America's collective psyche. People are not involved in their governmental processes. A majority see little point in remaining vigilant or interested. They have been lulled to sleep and seem to prefer slumber over the responsibility of being awake and aware.

None of this is new, none of this is even unexpected. The real question is, what can we do about it? Our answer is a simple one; we need only open our eyes and raise them toward the light of hope. Thomas Paine once wrote that, "The most formidable weapon against errors of every kind is reason."

We need only reason our way out of this valley. If we are to break the cycle of revolt, rebuild, rise, peak and fall, we have to first recognize that we are indeed in the pattern and subsequently make conscious decisions to steer ourselves back on course. In order to do that, we need only believe that it is possible. Today, in this America, I do not think we have enough believers, so the real question is, how long and how much will it take?

Honestly, I don't know. I don't think anyone does, but I hope we figure it out soon. Martin Luther King Jr. had a dream. FDR had a dream. Lincoln, Jefferson, Washington and a million others whose names we will never know had a dream. They all ultimately lived and died for their collective visions and hoped futures. Their dreams carried them, compelled them and propelled them forward. We each need to find that spark of a dream and live our lives accordingly.

It sounds so simple and maybe it is. Hell, it might seem simple because these are not even original ideas and that most of the difficult work has already been done through the labor and bloodshed of others. We need only maintain, nurture and refine their dream, even as we walk forward in pursuit of our own. That is our sole duty and I believe we are failing in it. People have been crying, screaming and begging for a collective wakeup call. Maybe it's time to speak calmly, rationally and steadily instead. Tonight I have many more questions than answers, so for now, go watch the movie. I highly recommmend it. :)

Posted by Erik @ 8/02/2006 09:25:00 PM :: (2) comments